Star Dusk

[Discorded Whooves]

Name: Star Dusk
Gender: Male
Age: 20
Breed: Unicorn
Home town: Canterlot
Pesonality: Star Dusk is a bit over protective, he can get a little out of control when is friends are messed with. Most of the time he is friendly,when in the mood.
Likes: all animals, art, music, the color red, and adventure
Dislikes: Funky smells (as he calls them), yelling, overpriced items, and watching his friends get hurt.
History: As a young filly, Star Dusk always had trouble with his magic, and he used to get made fun of too. Some times he would even denie the fact of being a unicorn. So his parents desided that they would give him privet lessons after school. After a while of back breaking training and work, his magic grew stronger. Star Dusk knew he could do better, so he would practice even after his privet lessons. Star Dusk's parents were so proud of him that they threw him a little party right by the park. That night there was going to be a star fall. As the guess began to arrive, the star fall started. An aray oooohh and aaaaww arose. Suddenly a star was headed strait for the park. As everypony got closer to see, it came closer and closer untile it was on the verge of hitting earth. Of cousre, the ancious Star Dusk came throw the crowd, and he shoved his parents into the park! Shock arose from the crowd, screaching in his ears he knew what he had to do. He threw himself into the middle of the park. The huge star ws seconds from hitting the family, but Star Dusk used all the magic he could, and and lifted the star thousands of miles away earth and back into space. The crowd cheered as they hoisted Star Dusk on their shoulder. Suddenly a scarlet shooting star apeared on his flank. From then on he did his best to learn all the magic he could.

[Lyssea]

@Discorded Whooves
Thank you for your submission! Unfortunately there are a few issues that need to be solved.

First of all, we would ask you to follow the proper submission format, it makes it much easier for mods and other users alike to read your submission.

We would also like you to provide a description or a picture of your character, as at this point we have no idea what he looks like.

We are curious how he would deny being a unicorn. Did he put a hat or sock on his horn and claim it wasn't there? We would also like to know what "trouble with magic" would mean, since it would appear most ponies only know of one spell, and that's levitation.
In either case we are not that big on bullying. While some light teasing is acceptable, if he feels so bullied he starts to hide or refuse to go to school it's simply a bit too much and out of tone with the show. We have seen what Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon does to the CMC, and even that is more annoying then making them actually depressed.

The biggest issue is the star. We are assuming here that the star in question was a meteor or similar, about the size of a truck or a house. It would seem very strange that a foal known for his lack of magic is capable to lift and redirect something that big, in particularly if no other pony is capable of doing so.
There is also the issue that we find this quite unlikely to happen, in particularly in Canterlot. Even if one of the stars drifted out of its path and fell towards Equestria we think that it would be stopped by Celestia herself long before it would be allowed to get close to the ground.

If you have any questions or want any help with your character, feel free to contact me and I'd be delighted to do my best to aid you. Otherwise, feel free to edit back and notify me.

[Discorded Whooves]

ok so I see that its a little played out and unexplainatory. Ummm to answer some of the conserns ,so he would try and wear a hat (top hat to be exsact), the trouble with his magic was due to the size of his horn which is smaller than his classmates horns and he is a slow learner. The star was about the size of a king size bed. One more thing, this happens to be my first OC and I'm a little ashamed of it, but I would like your help, thank you.

[Lyssea]

ok so I see that its a little played out and unexplainatory. Ummm to answer some of the conserns ,so he would try and wear a hat (top hat to be exsact), the trouble with his magic was due to the size of his horn which is smaller than his classmates horns and he is a slow learner. The star was about the size of a king size bed.

The trouble with this really is the Star and the severity of the bullying. But I think I will take that in private with you, you might feel more comfortable that way ( and you already contacted me ^_^; )

One more thing, this happens to be my first OC and I'm a little ashamed of it, but I would like your help, thank you.

Nothing to be ashamed of, I was once making my first OC too. ( though it was before pony )
And we don't talk about that.
Ever.