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  • Results 1 to 6 of 6

    Thread: Whim

    1. #1
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      Whim

      Name: Whim

      Gender:M

      Species:Unicorn

      Approximate age: 21

      Picture and/or Description: Sand colored unicorn with dark brown eyes, short cropped mane and full tail.
      http://gyazo.com/c07127194241b8b486b7383e0590d386 Compliments of Sonic Flare

      Background: Whim grew up in Canterlot with his parents and two brothers. Whim’s mother ran a shop in Canterlot selling designer hats. He had never had much interest in her hat shop, that was more his brothers’ place. His older brother sold fruits in Fillydelphia and his younger brother sold flowers in Manehatten. Both of his brothers were successful businessponies. His mother’s shop had supported all three colts as they grew up. She made enough for the entire family to take vacations each year, so Whim had traveled around almost all of Equestria, but he loved most the countryside hiking trips they took. Whim’s father was a Royal Guard and wanted one of his sons to follow his path, unfortunately for Whim, he was the only son with a special skill related to anything that could protect the Princesses and Canterlot. His father trained him very hard every day, but his heart was not set on becoming a Royal Guard. He decided when he was twenty, he just couldn’t be a guard in the city. He had been all around Equestria and seen most of the major cities, but he didn’t want to live in any of them. He more enjoyed the country-side and wanted to live somewhere he could be useful, yet not with all the noise. He had heard many stories coming out of the town of Ponyville, so he traveled there first to see if it was a place he could live. He was struck by its beauty and serenity. The ponies were all so friendly and kind. So right then he decided he would move to Ponyville. There was no doubt in his mind that he would love it there and find his place among the inhabitants.
      When arriving in Ponyville he had to find something he could do, upon searching he found out about rock farming and decided that he could really excel at that. So he opened his own rock farm and took the product into town to sell whenever he had enough. He decided to run the farm on his own so as to limit how much he could produce, and thus allow the earth pony farmers to maintain their farms as well.

      Personality: Because of his father’s intense training regime, Whim has a strong sense of right and wrong and does not take well to wrong being committed around him. He never lacked courage and always sought to help those around him with it. He always holds ponies with the highest level of respect, sometimes to the point of annoyance. Also, when he is left to his own devices, he tends to be impulsive and random. At work, he really enjoys himself. Farming is his favorite thing to do at work because he gets to put his magic to use. The selling of his rocks is nowhere near as fun, but he does get to meet all kinds of ponies while he is there, so it makes it worth the tedious salesmanship. He had grown up in a shop, so he knew his way around the market, he just didn’t enjoy it as much as the farming.

      Cutie Mark: A shield inlaid with a mountain. He earned his cutie mark at the age of 14. He and a couple friends were exploring the Unicorn Range when a rock broke loose above one of his companions. He pushed his friend out of the way and as the rock neared, his horn began to glow and a ramp made from the ground they were walking on formed and diverted the rock away from him and his friends. When they were all safe, he checked himself to see if any rubble caused by the rock had left him injured, but much to his pleasure, all he found was a beautiful shield decorated with a mountain stamped on his flank. He continually practiced making different shapes with the ground and found that the he could only form and manipulate the ground so long as his hooves were on the ground and the manipulated form did not leave the ground. This made him adept at making ramps, walls, and barriers. Also, by forcing the ground up and down, he could easily farm rocks.

      Shoutbox and Forum
      Last edited by Whim; 09-16-2012 at 02:11 PM.

    2. #2
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      Awards Decommissioned with Honors - For showing great heart for his place in RP, even at the end when he could no longer keep up the pace. Thanks for the hard work, man.Thespian
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      Heya!

      The first thing I see wrong with this submit is this - "if he used his full potential, Canterlot could have gone barreling down the side of the mountain it is perched on." If your OC is powerful enough to potentially doom Canterlot, I'm going to have to ask you to tone your character's talent down a bit to avoid being overpowered. Feel free to keep the power itself, just weaken it slightly, 'kay? Also, he seems to be a Royal Guard, something we disallow characters to be. You may have to rewrite your submission a bit to omit that part. One more thing - your personality is rather weak (go into detail instead of just using trait words) and your background really tells nothing about where he grew up, his parents and such. Fix all that up and you aught'a be good!

    3. #3
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      Quote Originally Posted by Sunny View Post
      Heya!

      The first thing I see wrong with this submit is this - "if he used his full potential, Canterlot could have gone barreling down the side of the mountain it is perched on." If your OC is powerful enough to potentially doom Canterlot, I'm going to have to ask you to tone your character's talent down a bit to avoid being overpowered. Feel free to keep the power itself, just weaken it slightly, 'kay? Also, he seems to be a Royal Guard, something we disallow characters to be. You may have to rewrite your submission a bit to omit that part. One more thing - your personality is rather weak (go into detail instead of just using trait words) and your background really tells nothing about where he grew up, his parents and such. Fix all that up and you aught'a be good!
      I think fixed the issues addressed here. Please let me know what you think.

    4. #4
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      Awards Decommissioned with Honors - For showing great heart for his place in RP, even at the end when he could no longer keep up the pace. Thanks for the hard work, man.Thespian
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      You... honestly didn't do much to help this submission along.

      When I said he couldn't be a royal guard, I meant at any point in his backstory, and when I asked you to tone down his power I meant to the level of normal everyday magic - 'enough to bring down a few buildings' is still rather overpowered in my book. Your personality still seems rather short, though I'm glad you improved the background section somewhat. Just rework the submission to exclude what I mentioned and work on the personality and hopefully this will be acceptable!

    5. #5
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      Quote Originally Posted by Sunny View Post
      You... honestly didn't do much to help this submission along.

      When I said he couldn't be a royal guard, I meant at any point in his backstory, and when I asked you to tone down his power I meant to the level of normal everyday magic - 'enough to bring down a few buildings' is still rather overpowered in my book. Your personality still seems rather short, though I'm glad you improved the background section somewhat. Just rework the submission to exclude what I mentioned and work on the personality and hopefully this will be acceptable!
      How about this?

    6. #6
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      Awards Decommissioned with Honors - For showing great heart for his place in RP, even at the end when he could no longer keep up the pace. Thanks for the hard work, man.Thespian
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      Alright, more or less acceptable by this point. Accepted!

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