FiM is community funded, click here to help out!

Donate Today!

User Tag List

  • Aghast
  • Amused
  • Angry
  • Annoyed
  • Arrogant
  • Awesome
  • Bemused
  • Bored
  • Chaotic
  • Classy
  • Cocky
  • Confident
  • Confused
  • Cool
  • Crazy
  • Crying
  • Default
  • Delighted
  • Down
  • Drunk
  • Dumb
  • Embarrased
  • Emotionless
  • Enraged
  • Excited
  • Fabulous
  • Flirtatious
  • Friendly
  • Geeky
  • Godly
  • Guilty
  • Happy
  • Hateful
  • Heroic
  • Hungry
  • Innocent
  • Lonely
  • Meh
  • Mischievous
  • Piratey
  • Proud
  • Restful
  • Sad
  • Scared
  • Secret
  • Shocked
  • Shy
  • Sick
  • Silly
  • Smitten
  • Sneaky
  • Suggestive
  • Timid
  • Tired
  • Toxic
  • Uneasy
  • Wise
  • WTF
  • Results 1 to 7 of 7
    1. #1
      The Quiet One
      >.>
       
      Meh
       
      Sweetiecake's Avatar
      Join Date
      Aug 2012
      Location
      Baltimore, MD
      Posts
      6,116
      Bits
      5,047
      Items
      User InfoThanks / Tagging InfoGifts / Achievements / AwardsvBActivity Stats
      Bits
      5,047

      OC SUB. :Sweetiecake

      Name: Sweetiecake

      Gender:Female

      Species: Pegasus

      Approximate age:18

      Picture and/or Description: pink mane and tail with purple streaks, purple eyes, a red bow in hair, hot pink coat.


      Background: Sweetiecake lived with her parents, in the outskirts of Canterlot on their family sugar farm, until she was 16. She loved her parents and never complained. she was then sent to Ponyville to earn money for her family.She didn't really like the idea of leaving her friend Jake.

      She met Jake one day when he had gotten lost and wandered onto her farm. She noticed him and helped him get back home. He was her only friend, due to her shy nature and always looking towards diaries as her friends.

      Jake was a brown maned pony, that played with Sweetiecake everyday. He also hung out with Sweetie, and helped her with homework sometimes. He also gave her her nickname: Sweetie. Sweetiecake had to walk through the Everfree Forest to get to Ponyville and encountered many wild and scary things. It took her two years to get through the forest. She then arrived in Ponyville. She bought a house and settled down near the entrance forest, since it was the cheapest.

      After she had settled down her parents were always visiting from the family farm. Sometimes she herself would fly over to the farm and help out every once in a while. She loves using the sugar to make cakes and cupcakes. Everyday she eats a home-made cupcake and then goes to her job at the day care center for the little fillies that aren't old enough to attend real school yet. She loves working with kids, and the elderly. At the end of each week, she spends a few hours at the elderly ponies home. She got her cutie mark while she was in the forest. She saw an old pony being attacked by bears. She quickly ran to the old pony's aid. She then cared for her and brought her back to her family before heading out. After she had given the old pony back to her family she got her cutie mark.

      Personality: Sweetiecake is a Sweet, loving, kind, a doormat,and a scaredy-cat. Sweetiecake also is fun-loving and shy. She loves helping others, and taking care of fillies and the elderly. She always does her best to help ponies, if she sees they need help, and if they're wiling to allow her too. She's the pony that you see always walking around with a smile on her face, even on a rainy day. Although she is a bit impatient and is easily annoyed at times.

      Cutie Mark: 3 hearts. Her cutie mark represents her kindness, and willingness to help.


      For forum rp and shoutbox rp
      Last edited by Sweetiecake; 09-14-2012 at 03:31 PM.

    2. #2
      Member
      Down
       
      Sunny's Avatar
      Join Date
      Aug 2012
      Posts
      50
      Bits
      5,984
      Awards Decommissioned with Honors - For showing great heart for his place in RP, even at the end when he could no longer keep up the pace. Thanks for the hard work, man.Thespian
      User InfoThanks / Tagging InfoGifts / Achievements / AwardsvBActivity Stats
      Bits
      5,984
      You need to be a lot more descriptive overall. Your background and definitely your personality are looking extremely bare-bones. Tell more about her personality than just a few trait words! Also, your cutie mark section needs to explain just what it represents. Other than that, all I can really say is that you might want to take a bit more time to work proper grammar into your writing. Thanks!

    3. #3
      The Quiet One
      >.>
       
      Meh
       
      Sweetiecake's Avatar
      Join Date
      Aug 2012
      Location
      Baltimore, MD
      Posts
      6,116
      Bits
      5,047
      Items
      User InfoThanks / Tagging InfoGifts / Achievements / AwardsvBActivity Stats
      Bits
      5,047
      Quote Originally Posted by Sunny View Post
      You need to be a lot more descriptive overall. Your background and definitely your personality are looking extremely bare-bones. Tell more about her personality than just a few trait words! Also, your cutie mark section needs to explain just what it represents. Other than that, all I can really say is that you might want to take a bit more time to work proper grammar into your writing. Thanks!
      Alright, thanks. I shall begin work on it after school
      @Sunny , I added some more info and fixed some stuff. and looked for as many grammer.spelling errors I could. Tell me if there's anything else.
      Last edited by Sweetiecake; 09-13-2012 at 04:10 PM.

    4. #4
      Member
      Down
       
      Sunny's Avatar
      Join Date
      Aug 2012
      Posts
      50
      Bits
      5,984
      Awards Decommissioned with Honors - For showing great heart for his place in RP, even at the end when he could no longer keep up the pace. Thanks for the hard work, man.Thespian
      User InfoThanks / Tagging InfoGifts / Achievements / AwardsvBActivity Stats
      Bits
      5,984
      You might want to throw in a flaw in your personality to balance your character and avoid being a Mary Sue. Also, try to paragraph your background correctly (walls of text are never good). Also, it wouldn't hurt to throw in another detail or two - how did she meet her friend? Did she know anypony else? Little things like that help give a better idea of who your character is, and the more of that, the better! Looks alright otherwise though!

    5. #5
      The Quiet One
      >.>
       
      Meh
       
      Sweetiecake's Avatar
      Join Date
      Aug 2012
      Location
      Baltimore, MD
      Posts
      6,116
      Bits
      5,047
      Items
      User InfoThanks / Tagging InfoGifts / Achievements / AwardsvBActivity Stats
      Bits
      5,047
      Quote Originally Posted by Sunny View Post
      You might want to throw in a flaw in your personality to balance your character and avoid being a Mary Sue. Also, try to paragraph your background correctly (walls of text are never good). Also, it wouldn't hurt to throw in another detail or two - how did she meet her friend? Did she know anypony else? Little things like that help give a better idea of who your character is, and the more of that, the better! Looks alright otherwise though!
      Alright. Got it sorry if its still not enough. I was rushing a bit so i could start my homeworkxD

    6. #6
      Member
      Down
       
      Sunny's Avatar
      Join Date
      Aug 2012
      Posts
      50
      Bits
      5,984
      Awards Decommissioned with Honors - For showing great heart for his place in RP, even at the end when he could no longer keep up the pace. Thanks for the hard work, man.Thespian
      User InfoThanks / Tagging InfoGifts / Achievements / AwardsvBActivity Stats
      Bits
      5,984
      Looks pretty acceptable at this point, so I'll go ahead - accepted!

    7. #7
      The Quiet One
      >.>
       
      Meh
       
      Sweetiecake's Avatar
      Join Date
      Aug 2012
      Location
      Baltimore, MD
      Posts
      6,116
      Bits
      5,047
      Items
      User InfoThanks / Tagging InfoGifts / Achievements / AwardsvBActivity Stats
      Bits
      5,047
      Thanks @Sunny !!!!!!!!

    Posting Permissions

    • You may not post new threads
    • You may not post replies
    • You may not post attachments
    • You may not edit your posts
    •