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  • Results 1 to 2 of 2

    Thread: My OC Geo Rock

    1. #1
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      My OC Geo Rock

      Sorry if its a little long winded and a bit too factual I just didn't want to leave any important details out.

      Name: Geoscape Requiem Rock

      Gender: Male

      Species: Pegasus

      Age: 20 (Approximate, In human years)

      Picture/Appearance: He is roughly 4' 3" tall when on all four hooves and has a light build comparable to a earth pony mare but has many masculine features, he has light green eyes with black glasses to help him see better, His hair color and tail is a mix of dark and light blue with the light blue being in the center and the dark being on the outside, he usally doesn't bother styling his hair unless in a formal setting but most days it is swooped back slighly making a sort of wave like style, his 'skin' consists of an extremly short hair that is dark blue and a dark greenish blue color in places, his left ear is slightly torn due to his accident and most of the time are straight up in the air, he wears a dark green vest houseing many pockets with a dark green water-proof cloak in cases of rain, although not being able to be used his wings are outside his vest and cloak as being bunched up causes him some pain with a few bandeges wrapped around them to keep him from accidently unfurling them, his shoes are simply mud and slip-ressitant cloth and rubber-based sneakers that are only to help him travese the lands, most of the time he wears a slight smile. His Cutie mark is a dark red Jewel-shaped chest with the top open and gold coins flowing down it.

      Quick Facts: He works as an explorer/hunter of ancient artifacts and other such things including the occasional gem or jewel and sells them to wealthy ponies when he gets into a town, He lives in a mobile wagon he also uses as a shop to sell his items, He's family consists of His mother an unicorn called Jade Rock, his father is a Pegasus named Cloud Rock (maiden name Cloud Featherhoof), and two siblings both older than him an eldest brother named Granite Rock, sister named Tempest Rock, before he found his cutie mark he wanted to be a royal guard like his great grandfather (on his dad's side).

      History/Background: His mother's side of the family has owned a rock farm on the edge of the equestrian border since the founding of the modern day borders, His father's side of the family has been known to be strong fliers though tend to be on the slow side of speed, Geo's parents got together when his father was on leave from a tour in the equestrian flight brigade taking a package from his superior officer to a friend living in the next nation over as a favor when he spotted a team of weather pegasi trying to control a freak storm, with his help they succeeded but he unfortunately got struck by a stray bolt while not killing him it did make him unable to fly for a bit, Jade rock was out in the field watching in awe as the team tried to subdue the storm and watched as Cloud stormed in, after the bolt hit him she raced to where he landed and found him unconscious but alive after using her levitating spell to move him she decided to take care of him till he got better to thank him for keeping her farm save, nine months later they married and had Granite, and 2 years later Geo came to be as well, for the first 4 years of his life Geo had a fairly normal childhood although was instilled a very strong sense of right and wrong, his father had taught him and his brother a secret technique, one he had used to convince Jade's father to let him marry her, which involved using both their leg strength to lift a boulder off the ground and use their back and wing muscles to lift it even higher then drop the boulder to the ground cracking it open and allowing them to harvest the gems without tools, it was about this time their sister Tempest had learned how to levitate objects with her magic, All these factor would eventually result in Geo's loss of his ability to fly. One morning when the little ponies had the day off from their respected schools they had decided they would try their new found skills on the biggest rock in the entire farm, Old Dark Stone, a rock as old as the farm itself a decently sized and strong rock that has broken many older earth ponies before them, the three little ponies thought they could crack it once and for all. Granite took the lead on the bottom to lift the rock up Tempest using her magic to assist him and Geo above the rock using his wings to help give it more lift, they got the rock 25 feet off the ground before it began to tip and Tempest couldn't keep it held with her magic any longer, when it began to fall Granite still believe they could make it go higher and asked his brother to join him under it, soon after Geo joined him Granite's grip slipped and the tiny Pegasus was unable to keep it aloft on his own and it shot to the ground with him under it. Mustering what little strength she had left and seeing her brother in trouble Tempest used a spell she had seen her mother use on many of the smaller rocks and at the same time on the other side granite tried to push the bolder out from above his brother, both these forces collided and did what no earth pony had been able to do on the farm since it was first founded and the old stone cracked apart just inches from the ground but not all was great and out of the woods the two halves missed the little Pegasus' body but shattered his wings. The three little ponies where barely able to make it home before collapsing into a heap, when Geo came to he found himself in his room with bandages all over his now crumpled up wings, the doctor told both of his parents that due to the extreme weight and his underdeveloped wings they would not be able to take flight ever again, so Geo was grounded in both meanings of the word as was Granite and Tempest. Geo wasn't able to adapt to being a light weight earth pony easily and it took finding his cutie mark to do so...

      Personality: Kind and patient to a point and very open minded, He is a bit of a social outcast preferring to hang out by himself then seek the company of others and only spends as much time in towns as needed most times. He isn't afraid to fight and even has some combat training from his father and grandfather although he won't pick a fight unless the pony is asking for it, he is quite brave and faces any challenge head-on without worry or fear no matter what he seeks to beat a challenge or die trying.

      Cutie Mark: It had been 4 years since his accident and Geo was still having a hard time fitting into his family's farm life, his brother Granite had not only graduated from flight school with "Flying colors" but had also meet the mare of his dreams a earth pony by the name of Lily Rose and was engaged, his sister Tempest had graduated basic magic school as well as business college in Canterlot and was now the farm's primary seller of the many gems and jewels they farm. All the while Geo had done nothing productive but learn how to move as an earth pony and crack some rocks, he did attend the basic schooling that all earth ponies receive but decided not to pursue any other schooling, still slightly bitter about the accident, more at himself than his siblings, Geo traveled to the farthest corner the farm one day began to sulk around there for a bit before literally stumbling into an underground tunnel system, the tunnels were old predating any stories he had heard in school with many different drawings carved into the stone walls, while traversing thru the tunnel he encountered many old traps, while being slow and obviously unkempt, were very dangerous and while most ponies would have raced out of the tunnel at the first of them Geo got a thrill when he passed the first that only grew as he passed the second and the third and of course the fourth, and so on and so on. At the end of the tunnel in a dimly lit room lied an ancient chest that begged to be opened utilizing the lock picking skills he had learned to pick the lock on his father's papers box, and learning he would never fly again thanks to some X-rays in said box, He opened the chest with only some slight effort, inside the chest was many trinkets including gold coins of a long gone race and goblets and jewelry and such but what caught his eye more than anything was a saddle-like piece of armor that looked big enough to fit him. The armor was surprisingly light and only made out of a somewhat durable clay-like stone that while being tough was very flexible, just wearing the armor made him feel better and seeing the treasure he knew he had found his calling and a quick look at his flank told him all he had to know for on it when once it was blank now held a dark red jewel-shaped chest with the top open and gold coins falling from it. So feeling reinvigorated for the first time in a long time Geo grabbed and dragged the chest back home and after presenting it to his family said good-bye to them and heading off to find his next adventure.

      There you go if you'd like to know more let me know and thanks for reading it.
      Trying not to rock the boat while at the same time standing out.

    2. #2
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      @georock
      Thank you for your submission! We apologize for taking such time, there was a misunderstanding between mods and it passed undetected for far too long.
      Now, to move on to your submission.

      First of all, you may wish to look into breaking up your sentences a little bit. Some of them are very, very long ( One was almost 340 words ), and that makes them very hard to read. End a sentence when you switch a thought, and add some linebreaks every now and then for ease of reading.

      We are not particularly fond of what you have done with his wings. In general we don't like crippled characters as in the past it has been used as a "look at me"-ploy which has hindered roleplaying. Because of this we are somewhat weary of crippled ponies and would prefer they are not used. In this particular case it seems like he could easily be made into a light Earth Pony without damaging his trade or his personality - after all, you do write that he's come to terms with the situation.

      We'd also like you to make his first find something a little bit less of a super-find, it seems like what he does discover would be the find of a lifetime, not 'the first of many'. We'd suggest just a cave with some smaller objects - even clay vases can spark a great interest in a young heart.

      We also ask you to give him a reason to stay in Ponyville, as most roleplay is centered around it or directly relating to it. If your character is just staying for a day, there simply wouldn't be much play done.

      If you have any questions or comments, feel free to contact me. Otherwise just edit back and notify.
      The Emperor Protects.

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