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  • Results 1 to 8 of 8

    Thread: OC: Jazz

    1. #1
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      OC: Jazz

      Name: Jazz Brass

      Gender: Male

      Species: Pegasus

      Approximate age: 21 years

      Picture and/or Description:

      Jazz without his fedora and jazz sunglasses.

      Background: Born in Fillydelphia, he was usually never the person to think about his future. He tended to live in the moment. He was an only child and was of a middle class family. He never really put his mind to anything, almost being a loner. This all changed when he got his cutie mark. His mentor trained him in the art of recognizing music on sight, and playing it on most instruments. He always had a preference to the saxophone. He moved out of Fillydelphia and off to Ponywood at his first chance, where he spent long, joyless years auditioning, playing, and failing. He got his big break during a small, albeit hardcore, party. A pony fell over the railing and knocked the guitarist unconscious. He stepped up and played for th guests. He was booed off of the stage because he had played smooth jazz. Luckily an agent had a broken wheel outside the house and had come in just in time to hear the music.
      Jazz is a famous musician today, traveling town to town. He loves the new lifestyle, and has absolutely no regrets about his past, present, or future. He is currently working in Ponyville, longer than most towns because, and his exact words I quote. "This place just ain't givin' me a good vibe."

      Personality: Confident, he is a hefty pony pleaser, he's incredibly outgoing. If a pony is displeased at him, he'll go out of his way to fix it. Can play drums, sax, electric piano, trumpet, and trombone. Like the sax and jazz music. He can be a bit of a hipster and talks with old references, such as, "Daddy-o, smooth, be chill.", is selfless, even regarding his popularity standpoint. Wants the whole world to love music.

      Cutie Mark: At 15, Jazz walked down the streets of Fillydelphia and heard a noise. He followed the streets and found a pony playing the sax. He stayed to watch and notice the ponies walking by without a word. He sighed and dropped his entire wallet into the sax case. "Wait kid, here." the pony said giving him the sax, while looking awestruck at the wallet. "You really thought I was good?" "Of course, that's the best sounding music I've ever heard." Jazz replied "Well, I think you've got a musical ear. I think I might know how to nurture it." the pony said
      The pony turned out to be famous musician Colt Reign, and invited him to be an apprentice. He spent 2 years training, with the same tedious schedule, waking up at 3 AM, working until 10 PM, and recontinuing the cycle. Colt Reign taught Jazz how to play all of the instruments that he knows today. Though, he was ebbing at the beginning, he fumbled with the instruments, and he realized something, how do I play the notes? He looked at his hooves, and packed his things, he flew away from Colt's home when he realized, he had wings! After his realization, he rocked each instrument like it was no problem. Though, he hadn't truly learned them. One night alone, he opened his case and looked at the sax that Colt had given him. He noticed a sheet of music in the bell and pulled it out. It read "Day of regret." It was unfinished, he began to play and at the end mark he kept playing. Before he new it, he'd finished the song, at that exact moment, his cutie mark of a playing saxophone appeared. Since that moment, he's wanted to spread music to all of Equestria.

      Use: All RP
      Last edited by Slender Pony; 01-13-2013 at 09:13 PM.
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    2. #2
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      Hey there @DJ PWN-3,

      I think you have a decent start to your character here, but I really don't get a feel of who he is from what you've provided. You touch extremely briefly on a few key moments in his life, how long passed between him meeting Reign and the show where he was "discovered"? How long has it been since then? What happened in between?

      Your character's cutie mark story almost seems like you stopped at the setup. You introduce the character who helps Jazz get his cutie mark, but you don't explain the story of him actually receiving the cutie mark - that's the part we want to see! A pony getting their cutie mark is generally something which marks their growth as an individual as well as a piece of self discovery. Why did that happen when he learned an instrument? What instrument was it? How long did it take? What was it like for him being mentored?

      I think that you have the start of a good character here, I just want to see a bit more detail and a bit of clarification throughout the submission.

      If you have any questions, feel free to send me a PM!

      Thanks to Twilight for this sig!

    3. #3
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      Revised

    4. #4
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      Quote Originally Posted by DJ PWN-3 View Post
      Revised
      I like the revisions that you've made so far, but it all seems very choppy in terms of how the story is told. RP is, in the end, all about telling stories, and this is your first chance to show us that you're able to do that. Try expanding your character's background by making it less like bullet points and more like a story about his life so far. Little things like this really do help us gauge if your OC (and, to a similar extent, you yourself) are ready for the RP!

      Thanks to Twilight for this sig!

    5. #5
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      Ultimate revision!

    6. #6
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      Quote Originally Posted by DJ PWN-3 View Post
      Ultimate revision!
      I really like the expansion of the cutie mark here. The only thing that I still feel is missing at this point is some explanation of how he acts around other ponies. You say he is a 'hefty pony person', but what does that mean? Is he outgoing? Always trying to meet new ponies? Easily excited by conversation? Does he demand to be the center of attention? What are the qualities that make him who he is in a social sense? With that addition, I think you should be ready to RP!

      Thanks to Twilight for this sig!

    7. #7
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      Revision in personality.

    8. #8
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      I'll go ahead and accept this now

      Welcome to the RP

      Thanks to Twilight for this sig!

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