I'm tired of the harassment, tired of people being assholes no matter where I go. I walk down the street or through a store, literally everyone stares. I try to act confident like nothing is happening but I hate it. I hear comments about me to other people, I see people taking photos on their phones. I used to just walk up to them and say something so everyone else would know just how much of a dick they were being but it doesn't even feel worth it anymore. I get harassed at work almost every day by customers and sometimes even coworkers. Of course the company I work for has a publicly posted policy that says that they will not tolerate this exact situation but of course they won't do shit about it.
I've had so many bad experiences coming out to people, lost friends, family never speaking to me again that just telling anyone usually becomes a tearful emotional breakdown because I'm so fucking scared of what's going to happen. My immediate family aside from my mom just acts like literally nothing is happening after I tell them which makes me feel almost as bad. I'm so fucking stressed to the point where my mom is just trying to take a week off from everything and take me to visit my relatives in California so we can spend some time together and I can actually be around some people who don't think I'm some kind of a freak.
I'm seriously considering quitting my job and just trying to find something where I'm not working in retail but I feel like the chances of finding something here are next to nothing so I just keep going to work dreading it every day trying to focus on the few coworkers I have who actually seem to care enough that they don't give me crap about being transgender or about my nails or about how I don't want kids. I can barely even go on my usual forums including this one without being harassed by people trying to convince me that I'm someone I'm not because they have some kind of misguided egotistical moral objection with no basis whatsoever.
That said, I do want to thank @Vaporeon @Rose Bubble and @Apple Bloom for being here for me lately. It's been hard and I'm starting to hit a breaking point where I'm tired of fighting and just want to stay home and cry all the time. I've considered self harm and suicide and honestly you three are some of the few things that are keeping me going at this point.