You should work on paragraphs, spelling, grammar, and other aspects of basic English. It's nearly impossible to read this wall of text as is, but the broken English certainly isn't helping. I'm not really sure you're writing accurately to the characters you're trying to depict either, and your protagonist seems to be more of an ass than anything, which brings in to question why anypony would like him. Trixie and Gilda were both met with unfriendly reactions from the Mane 6, both even being run out of town (more or less) as a result. I get what you're trying to do here, but maybe you should take @Totoro 's advice and go to fimfiction where people are more skilled at writing can critique your work. And maybe use more OCs instead of canon characters.