Clarifying my intentions

[Wandergirl108]

This is getting very aggravating. Dante is going through a lot right now, and I can't seem to find anyone besides me who's taking him seriously; and whenever I try to stand up for him or tell somepony off for being inconsiderate, people converge on ME, too. I know my word may be taken less seriously because people could write it off as me siding with my boyfriend, but that is not what's going on here, and people need to realize that.

Sigh…Listen, everypony - please, for once, listen. I know you're trying to help, but you're doing the exact opposite when you tell someone like Dante that he's being a baby or that he's making a big deal out of little things or that he needs to "man up"; you are only aggravating the situation, and you probably don't even know the whole story. You may think you're just being honest and trying to help him figure out his issues, but you're only making him feel worse, not to mention making him feel even more alone.

Being hard on someone is not always the answer. Yes, there are kids who need to be disciplined because they won't know better otherwise, but there are also kids who CAN'T learn from cruelty, even cruel honesty. I used to be one of those kids. I got a reputation in school for being a "troublemaker", and was punished excessively and harshly as a result, because everyone thought that the only way to fix me was to be hard on me. I never cared about their intentions; I just raged and hated even more. It gave me more to be mad about, it contributed to my "misbehavior", and no matter how many times I was lectured on how the reason for it all was because I should know better, I didn't give a damn - I was me, I thought what I thought, I was standing up for myself, it made sense to me, and I wasn't going to let anyone change me. I used to try to beat up people who I even THOUGHT were being rude to me (I never succeeded because I'm a weakling, but the point remains). I was so easily enraged that my violence became well-known throughout my schools very quickly, and no one thought to try to get to know me because they thought I was just mean. The only thing that could ever have gotten through to me was a more sympathetic approach than detentions or lectures or being grounded, because I WASN'T mean, I was ANGRY.

Society tries to tell us that we should be harder on kids so that they'll behave better, and boys, especially, are taught that they need to be "tough", to not let things get to them, to not cry, to not have high levels of human emotions. Showing kindness and sympathy is easily written off as "coddling" or "babying" someone. That is not the way things should be. Again, I realize that there ARE kids who need to be punished because they should know better than to do certain things, but there's a difference between punishing *actual* bad behavior and showing someone sympathy and respect when they're hurting.

Getting back to the issues going on around here: When you're angry or upset in general, smaller things get magnified. Things like not getting a certain username on this forum become a big deal. I'll be perfectly honest here, to all of you: *I* don't think it's a big deal. I've never understood why people would even WANT to change their usernames - I'm Wandergirl108 everywhere I go, because that's just who I am, and I'm comfortable with it. I'll even admit to getting exasperated by the drama that's gone on due to fights over usernames. But just because it's not a big deal to me doesn't mean it's not a big deal - or doesn't SEEM like a big deal - to someone else. I've seen most people take the "It's no big deal, get over it" approach, but I try to be understanding and say something to show that, while I may not care about the issue ITSELF, I DO care that it's causing someone pain - I try to take ALL the factors into effect and see the big picture, and the big picture I have of Dante's life is heartbreaking. I am also aware that some people have it worse, but that doesn't make Dante's life any more okay.

Bottom line: I am not "siding with my boyfriend", I am doing what I genuinely believe is the right thing to do, for ANYONE in his situation. Kindness is not weakness, it's not babying, and it's not wrong; sometimes, it's what's needed the most…and I get upset when I see people who don't understand that.

Now, you can all impulsively tell me how I'm so very wrong, or you can think about this and try to understand things from a different perspective; that's up to you. I have done my best, and if I failed, so be it.

[Applejack]

Quick question: does Dante actually... you know... need this much defense? Judging on recent events in his other thread. I think he's fine standing on his own.

Just my two cents. :/

Not saying you shouldn't be there for him. I completely respect that.

[Candy Mane]

Now, you can all impulsively tell me how I'm so very wrong, or you can think about this and try to understand things from a different perspective; that's up to you. I have done my best, and if I failed, so be it.

I suggest you take your own advice. Dante asked the entire forum for advice, because he wanted answers, support, and help from everyone. What you did was go and attack anything that did not agree with what you think he needs. I understand you did not like what some people said, you didn't even think it was helpful, but that was not for you to decide.

Making this thread is fueling the fire, it's like you want to start something.

[Pwny Express]

I don't disagree. In fact, I think I'm pretty much on the same thought pattern with everything you said. One of the things I hated most as a kid was getting punished for accidents or mistakes I made. I believe if something is an honest mistake, that nobody meant to do any harm but something bad happened anyway, it is nobody's fault. Nobody should be blamed. Punishing me for those things didn't make me a better person, it just made me a better liar. Not that it hasn't come in handy over the years, but I could have done without all the anger directed at me. Would have been nice if someone actually stopped to think maybe I didn't mean to cause any trouble and didn't need someone yelling at me for it.

I could see a username being a big deal to somebody, especially if there is a particular attachment to it. If anybody tries to take Pwny Express from me...

[Applejack]

Making this thread is fueling the fire, it's like you want to start something.

My feelings exactly.

[DJ P0N-3]

My feelings exactly.

It's Wandergirl, leave it to her to take everything out of proportion and take everyone else's problems as her own.
Inb4 my post gets deleted again.

[Shimmer Mint]

You seem to not admit your feats which is a huge problem. You tend to think you're only right and that everyone else is wrong. Going on by what Candy Mane said, please try to see things from other people's points of view...or at least, see the bigger picture. The fact that you sat there and yelled at everyone's advice that Dante asked and wanted made the situation worse. It's great you're there for Dante, but you're taking your "inner mother actions" way too far. Dante is what, 15(?), I know he can take care of things on his own. He really doesn't need to be "babied" which is what you're doing. You don't seem to realize what you're doing and it's understandable. I used to do that to my younger sister but then when she hit the age of 12, I realized that she can't be babysat by me anymore. I can be there for her, but I simply cannot lead the way through her life.

You need to know what's best for Dante. Taking our advice and getting help on his own is what you need to encourage. Not to yell at everyone and try to baby him. He's old enough to learn on his own. Giving him space to make his own choices but by being there for him as well is what you need to do. Be there as a back up. Don't be there as his mother and tell him what he needs to do. If he asks for it then by all means go and continue but by what I saw, he didn't ask for you to yell and act completely under your age at everyone. You're the older one so try to be a role model for him if anything.