OC: Tornado Bolt

[Fullshredd86]

edited

[Applejack]

Muuuuuuuch better this time around. I like the addition of the team of ponies for the cutie mark story and the explanation of the father's backstory. The next step in the process at this will be to tighten up your grammatical skills. Remember, a big part of RP is being able to continue the flow of the story clearly and effectively. Go back and make sure every 't' is crossed and there is a period in every proper place. I will check back again soon.

[Fullshredd86]

updated

[Applejack]

Yeeeeeah, there are still grammar and spelling errors. Would it help if I pointed them out for you?

[Applejack]

My apologies for the delay, but after much talk with the other mods, we are not going to be able to approve you for RP. I had them look over your submission as well and they spotted numerous items that go against site rules. Truth be told, I am to the point to tell you that you would be better off starting from scratch than trying to make this one work. If it helps, look up the writing guide under the 'info desk' for tips on getting started.

Once again, my decent sympathies. I know how hard you have been working on this.