OC: Thunderblitz

[Wheatley]

[[[[[ NOTE: CUTIE MARK AND BACKGROUND MERGED. ]]]]]

Name: Thunderblitz

Gender: Mare

Species: Pegasus

Approximate age: 19 (In human years)

Spoiler: Thunderblitz 

Background: A pegasus foal was born for Cheer Blue and Bright Light in Canterlot's hospital. Now officially parents, they looked at their newborn foal and noticed it was a female. Then they looked at her striking colours, sky blue and lightning yellow. The parents looked at each other and whispered "Thunderblitz", the name to be given for the foal.

After visiting the preschool for the first time, Thunderblitz was already ready to move on to the actual school in just 6 years of (human) age, much for her intelligence the personnel noted about. In the school she was always the eyesore of her class, others wondering and bullying Thunderblitz about her early entry to the school. However, as intelligent as Thunderblitz was, she didn't care for the bullying at all since she could ignore the meaningless bullying. Her intelligence was also a reason to the bullying, and she was left behind from the groups. Some of the class had already received their cutie marks, making Thunderblitz look awful with her "blank flank".

During school Thunderblitz showed interest towards chemistry, and she was also good in mathematics. Thunderblitz then started studying chemistry in hopes for getting her cutie mark from it, to no avail. Despite being intelligent she was far too young for getting her cutie mark from chemistry. Thunderblitz however didn't give up and continued studying.

One day, the pupils were taken out on a picnic in some of the most fascinating sights of Canterlot. They ended the day near the cliffs of Canterlot for sightseeing. However, some of the pupils were careless enough to go near the cliffs despite the teacher warning them, and one filly fell. After hearing the filly scream, Thunderblitz, with lightning reactions, flew and saved the Filly just in time before him hitting the ground. Thunderblitz safely landed back on the top of the cliff with her classmate, both them and the rest of the class amazed at Thunderblitz's ability to fly so well for a filly of her age. Thunderblitz then received her cutie mark which resembles a lightning bolt. She then realized her talent is helping others "in a flash", without compensation. Thunderblitz was now considered as one of the best pupils of the class, and was now allowed to take part in the other fillies' activities.

Just when Thunderblitz graduated from her school, her father Cheer Blue left for discovery exploration in the unknown with other explorers. Thunderblitz and her mother became upset about this, knowing he could get lost or in the worst case, get hurt while being there. They calmed down pretty soon, however, because they both loved each other so much they forgot about the known absence of him. Both Thunderblitz and Bright Light agreed Thunderblitz was ready to live on her own, but they both also knew it was the best for them to stay together. Being a librarian in Canterlot's library, Bright Light searched for any material regarding the current events of the exploration trip, to no avail. Thunderblitz had already become famous for her rescue/helping cases, but when she has nothing else to do, she practices chemistry.

During Cheer Blue's absence, Thunderblitz lived in peace with her mother and worked as an apprentice to numerous ponies for chemistry researching and other rare arts. One day, Cheer Blue finally returned from his exploration trip and reunited with his daughter and wife. Cheer Blue had discovered a remarkable relic which brought him the title of a relics professor. Thunderblitz was now ready to live on her own, yet she does keep contact with her parents, especially her father. She has also caught attention from the most famous ponies of Canterlot for her achievements. Thunderblitz, however, like anypony else has also made humiliating mistakes in life, mainly because of her impatience. This has also caused problems while doing chemistry. She has also proven to be reckless at times, not caring of the side effects that could happen while rescuing or helping others. Thunderblitz now moves to Ponyville, where she can practice her chemistry with ease. Thunderblitz visits Canterlot at least each month to meet her parents again.

Personality: Calm, generous, honest, anticipant, modest, kind, helpful, sophisticated, adventurous, curious, optimistic, wise, impatient, reckless

Use: Shoutbox and Forum RP

Other: Can I, as the creator of the character, get a separate forum account by the name Thunderblitz for RP?

[Rarity#1]

Hey there, @RandomnessInside

Thanks for the character submission, I'll be in charge of reviewing and, hopefully, accepting your OC. If, at any point, you have questions about something I may have said or if you'd like a clarification of some sort, you're more than welcome to either post your questions in this thread or send me a forum pm about it.

There are a few things which, currently, would get in the way of your OC being accepted.

First, your character's status as an orphan. It's something that we don't really like to see in OCs for a couple of reasons. Primarily, it's because tons of people want their OCs to be orphans, to have a mysterious past where they don't know their parents, or have their parents killed off when they're young. We're all familiar with that kind of story set up and so it's a common "go-to" for writers. Unfortunately, it doesn't really fit the tone of Equestria to have a massive population of orphans running around. You could argue that many of the ponies in the show could quite possibly be without parents, but what we have yet to see is any discussion of orphanages, death of parents, etc. So, for now, we ask that OCs avoid the missing/dead parents trope in order for the character to make sense in our picture of Equestria.

You talk a lot about what Thunderblitz is good at, but we never really hear about any of her shortcomings. As a result, she feels a bit grandiose. What comes across on the OC page is a character who has no real flaws but is great at anything. She's smart, fast, confident enough to simply ignore bullying but not enough to drive others away, independent, charitable, modest... I imagine you get where I'm going with all that. She just seems to be too perfect. What kind of flaws does she, as an individual, have? Any character is bound to feel more alive if you include with them some realism by making them not entirely perfect.

The final thing that I'll touch on at this point is the invitation to join the Wonderbolts. I'm going to explicitly ask that it be removed. Essentially, the reason is Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash has done (and at this point, can do on command) what many ponies considered to be impossible - create a sonic rainboom. She's canonically one of the fastest fliers in the world (as she will remind you often) and she is on relatively friendly terms with the Wonderbolts. All of that and she has not received an invitation to join the Wonderbolts. If she hasn't received the invite, I'm not sure how somepony else could.

Again, if you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to let me know.

[Wheatley]

Right, I'm going to update the OP later today, so I'm asking to check it once it's done.

[Rarity#1]

Right, I'm going to update the OP later today, so I'm asking to check it once it's done.

Of course. Just let me know when you're ready for me to take another look at it. If you have any questions in the meantime, just shoot me a PM and I'll get back to you.

[Wheatley]

Of course. Just let me know when you're ready for me to take another look at it. If you have any questions in the meantime, just shoot me a PM and I'll get back to you.

All clear now, hopefully the biography would make more sense now.

[Rarity#1]

Hey there @RandomnessInside

This is quite a bit closer to what we're looking for out of an OC submission, there are just a few common mistakes that I see now. The main one is really the school system. Equestria's schools aren't really like our own. So, while a lot of people want to talk about their pony's time in high school or college, we see in the show that those things don't really seem to exist. There is the basic "grade" school that everypony attends but, other than that, they seem to go off to their jobs or apprenticeships rather than continuing their education. The only real reason for colleges would be ongoing learning in things like, perhaps, magic. Outside of that, it doesn't really seem prevalent.

Within the story itself is the "death potion". This seems extremely out of place in Equestria, and it would be completely unacceptable even within our world. No science teacher would have preteen students handling materials that would kill them after exposure (even something that flammable is suspect).

The next bit that seems a bit off to me is the "Royal Marine". I assume that, by this, you mean some sort of amphibious warfare batallion. In truth, there's literally nothing to indicate that Equestria has any offensive military capabilities. The only real "military" that exists are a large group of, largely incompetent, guards who are constantly being shown up by 6 teenaged girls. It's hardly fair to call them a trained fighting force when they're more like incompetent police officers.

Chemistry in general is kind of slippery. On one hand, we don't see any formal chemistry in the show. On the other, there is clearly knowledge of various potions that can be concocted. Most of this knowledge is found with Zecora, but Twilight also appears to have at least one Alchemy book. Ultimately, my main concern is that a character could simply use "chemistry" to solve any problem they have by brewing a specific potion to match the needs of any situation. Ultimately, any big breakthroughs would have to be extremely rare while also keeping with the theme of the show. For example, it would be hard to legitimize some kind of big disease cure since we would have to then allow a big, epidemic disease that requires a cure, and this would likely not fit in with how we view the world. The final decision of whether you want to keep to the chemistry/alchemy angle or go a different route (ie. a physician) is up to you.

You'll want to make sure that your story includes a bit of detail about how she got to Ponyville, it sounds like, at this point, she's still living in Canterlot

[Wheatley]

V.3 up now.

[Rarity#1]

Hey there @Vinyl Scratch

At this point, I think my main misgiving is that your character's talent and her interest for chemistry are extremely far removed. She helps people by flying fast. That's how she got her cutie mark and that's what her talent was stated to be. Then she somehow is apprenticing under other ponies learning chemistry? It just doesn't make sense in the story how she gets to that point.

In addition, I'm going to have to ask that you remove the reference to being Zecora's student. While it certainly makes sense for someone who is interested in alchemy to study with Zecora, we don't want to force any Zecora RPer to accept a relationship to which they have not agreed. This is pretty standard with canon characters in the RP.

Other than that, I think you're very close to having an acceptable OC! Just tell us how she became a chemistry apprentice and how that is related to her talent.

[Rarity#1]

Alright! I think that this is ready to go. I went ahead and gave you RP privileges on this account. You're more than welcome to create an alt for RPing if you would like to do that. just send me a PM and I'll get your alt's RP privileges sorted out.