OC: Sapphire Beam

[Flowey!]

Name: Sapphire Beam

Gender: Stallion

Species: Pegasus

Approximate age: 18

Picture:

Spoiler: WARNING: High resolution vector 

Background:

Spoiler: Background 

childhood:
Sapphire beam was born by middle class family, His father was a royal guard captain and his mother was librarian.
When he was 6, he always wanted to be a royal guard. Just like his father.
But, he was (too skinny) at that time; Moreover, His classmates in his Canterlot School made fun of him. He was pretty frustrated and he stayed alone in his room.
His dad came to his room. Then, he told him that he was skinny like him when he was in his age, and he promised him that he will help him to fulfill his dream and will.

Achieving his cutie mark:
When he was 8, he achieved his cutie mark in Cloudsdale annual racing contest.
by achieving first place in this annual tournament.
At first, he was kind of nervous, but his father told him "Keep this saying in your mind my son, If you will it, it is not a dream". Sapphire beam got more confident of himself and he stood on the start line.
When everyone flew as the referee's whistle whistled.
Sapphire was trying his best to overcome his opponents, Luckily, he outstripped 10 opponents, only one opponent was left, but he was pretty skilled champion.
Sapphire was trying to overcome him, but his opponent flew even more faster.
Sapphire was pretty exhausted, but he remembered his father's saying "If you will it, it is not a dream".
He bit his lips and he dashed to the finish line so rapidly.
He reached to high speed that he overcame on his last opponent, but, he was too fast that all spectators were amazed.
Then, he reached to the finish line and he achieved two awards: His cutie mark and his first place cup.
Getting started with being cultured:
When he was 15,
Sapphire's father was proud of him, In the other hand. His mother wasn't very proud because he wasn't interested in reading and cultural stuff.
She tried to convince him to read about history of Royal guards.
But, he keeps refusing.
Aftertime, He was very bored and he didn't have any choice but reading.
So, he read about history of Royal guards, it was boring to him at the beginning, but after 20 pages, he became interested in Royal Guards history and he read more and more.
When his mother found out that he finished the whole book, she was very proud of him.

Graduation:
Finally, He joined the royal guards when he became 18.
When he joined the royal guard, he sworn by Celestia's name that he will protect every single part of Kingdom of Equestria.
So, he was recruited in Pegasi royal guards, his job is to patrol and to fly all over equestria with his guards to check if there is a threat against Equestria.
Also, he also roams around Ponyville for securing this ville.
Additionally, he meets his old school friends in Poniville and he usually hangs out in sugercube corner with his friends and chat with them.

Personality: Always serious and he rarely smiles, He is always Courage and he has proven it when he joined the royal guards.

Cutie Mark:
Description: Black cloud with yellow thunder
How did he achieve it: By achieving first place in annual pegasi race
Use: Well, He is open for use!

[Shimmer Mint]

You're to need a LOT more detail in your background. Tell us more about who he is and his past life!
Same with the personality section. Add more personality traits and give examples of those traits

You know, stuff like that~

[Flowey!]

You're to need a LOT more detail in your background. Tell us more about who he is and his past life!
Same with the personality section. Add more personality traits and give examples of those traits

You know, stuff like that~

I really need to think more about his background and his personality.
You know, I'm not really good at writing stuff like that.
So, yeah! It's my first time.

[Shimmer Mint]

I really need to think more about his background and his personality.
You know, I'm not really good at writing stuff like that.
So, yeah! It's my first time.

And it's a good start, don't get me wrong!
Just maybe think about other characters or people in real life and take traits from many of them and combine them? That's basically what I do for my characters xD
For his history, do the same kind of thing. Is there something you'd like to change about your past? Use that in his history! Stuff like that.~

It's hard to explain so an RP Mod will come by eventually to assist you further Hope I was a decent start! Good luck to building your OC, man

[Reese]

If you would like to see examples of good submissions, all the OC's that have been approved have a little thumbs up symbol next to the thread.
Perhaps you can read through those a little, and see how much detail is required for OC Submissions

[Flowey!]

If you would like to see examples of good submissions, all the OC's that have been approved have a little thumbs up symbol next to the thread.
Perhaps you can read through those a little, and see how much detail is required for OC Submissions

Already did that!
As you can see, I added much details in his background!

[Twilight Sparkle]

I'm having a bit of trouble reading the background... would you mind going through and spacing out the paragraphs and/or keeping all the sentences of each paragraph together?

A few quick things to note that I'm seeing though:

• Cairo and Egypt are places in the real world. They do not exist in Equestria.
• Death, cancer and government revolts are all not ideas we have ever seen explored in Equestria. Keep in mind that the RP is in a show-canon environment, and as thus, if you haven't seen it in the show, chances are it won't happen here.
• Equestrian technology is a very hard thing to pinpoint, but we know they do not have computers. The closest thing we can ever find to that is Twilight's polygraph-esque machine (see below).
• Try taking a look through the RP Rules to get an idea of what the general environment is like within the RP universe.

[Flowey!]

I'm having a bit of trouble reading the background... would you mind going through and spacing out the paragraphs and/or keeping all the sentences of each paragraph together?

A few quick things to note that I'm seeing though:

• Cairo and Egypt are places in the real world. They do not exist in Equestria.
• Death, cancer and government revolts are all not ideas we have ever seen explored in Equestria. Keep in mind that the RP is in a show-canon environment, and as thus, if you haven't seen it in the show, chances are it won't happen here.
• Equestrian technology is a very hard thing to pinpoint, but we know they do not have computers. The closest thing we can ever find to that is Twilight's polygraph-esque machine (see below).
• Try taking a look through the RP Rules to get an idea of what the general environment is like within the RP universe.

Thanks for spotting the mistakes Andy.
I shall work on improving the background.

[Flowey!]

Alright! I've just finished rewriting my OC's background!

[Flowey!]

Feel free to criticize my OC background.