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  • Results 1 to 4 of 4

    Thread: Displacer

    1. #1
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      Displacer

      Name:Shining copper

      Gender:Female

      Species:Earth

      Approximate age: 19

      Picture and/or Description:Semi burn't orange fur with a small scare above the eye brow and Crest's to the left temple and connect's back to the original point of incision it resembles a slight yellowing to represent the scar as a point of trauma other then that normal thing's 4 leg's 2 eye's the like

      Background:As a small child plagued by headaches and thing's she noted here and there that most people over look for instance that building will crumble if a earthquake were to happen upon it, nobody cared though the town was care free, happy and content she lived her life like anyone else would well except the headaches they kept getting worse un tell she started not being able to tolerate the sun They searched around and found a... shady doctor but he seemed to know of the pain she had this man also has the same scare as she did now, the man took her and operated on her for 7 hour's once he was done he told her parent's that her world will never be normal nor will she understand exactly what's happening only tell her this she is blessed by power's of unknown origin and only time can tell as to what they will develop into.

      He told them all he knew of the one's fated with the third section of there brain, too full became there head's and those that could had to operate to save there live's or forever be in a comma. he told them that the power's are odd and are different from person to person. his was the power of X-Ray vision and the ability to tell a person's blood pressure 2 usually minor thing's gave him the advantage of being a doctor.

      Her power's as useful as they seemed at first were vibration sense and minor Psionic power's like moving rather heavy object's with her mind, or molding liquid's in air her power's made her an amazing architect and few of the other's complained about her power's she was a asset to have on any project. but it had it's consequences or rather accident's happen while underground and working on support's a cave in happened trapping her parent's and several other's in including her they tried to escape the confines of there tomb they soon were saved and as the light hit them it was already too late, her father was crushed under a rock but had saved his daughter and her mother holding the cave up with her magic had crippled her body burning all her energy in such a short time, her father nver could work again her mother bed ridden due to being sick and never getting better after the accident.

      Shining copper left her town after her father made it to retirement age and had a simple life full of gardening and caring for mom her mother passed away soon after her 18th birthday and she said good by to her town and left to seek a new life.

      Personality: Blunt and to the point, tom boy not one for the so called "Girly" way of life always wanting to learn a new trade for instance Machinery and new way's of mining for ore.

      Cutie Mark: 2 pick axes and a miner's hat on the center

      Use:Slice of life Rp?


      Other: Probably won't get into too many Rp's just telling the truth.
      TableTop Gaming anyone?

    2. #2
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      KayZ7's Avatar
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      Not to be rude or nothing, but you need a major grammer upgrade, such as using comma, knowing how to spell 'coma', and lots of periods.
      The rest I'll leave to the RP Guys.
      This is a tale revolting around The Azure
      The door that leads to the future
      Calamity Trigger
      The thick awakened chaos
      Continuum Shift
      The forgotten banquet of past and future
      ChronoPhantasma
      THE WHEEL OF FATE IS TURNING

    3. #3
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      Just destroy it then if it's that damn offensive to you're eye's....
      Last edited by PortalToVoid; 06-15-2013 at 07:53 PM.
      TableTop Gaming anyone?

    4. #4
      The Fabulous
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      Rarity#1's Avatar
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      Awards Decommissioned with Honors - Fabulosity.LinguistTime LordElement of GenerosityThespian
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      To be blunt, the grammar is a bit poor to the point of being difficult to read. RP is about mutual story telling, and that's difficult to do if one person cannot understand what the other is trying to say. As a result, proper communication abilities are extremely important, and your submission is one of the main ways of showing to us (people who don't know about you or your writing abilities) how well you can communicate in writing. Therefore, it really is imperative that you improve the overall writing of your submission.

      In terms of the content of your OC, we're not comfortable giving magic-like powers (yes, including things like psyonics) to any pony who isn't a unicorn. In addition, the backstory of the "third section" of the brain just seems too strange for us to allow in an RP that is (some would argue too much) focused on being able to refer to canon for explanations of characters.

      Finally, you've neglected to give your character a cutie mark story. When writing the cutie mark story, think of the episode in which the mane 6 all recall how they got their cutie marks. Write a story about where she was, what she did, and what her mark represents.

      If you've any questions, feel free to let me know.

      Thanks to Twilight for this sig!

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