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    Thread: OC: Bones

    1. #1
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      OC: Bones

      Name: Bones
      Gender: Male
      Species: Pegasus
      Age:19

      Description: Bones is a black coated and blonde maned pegasus. His mane is messy and seems like he doesn't brush it at all.



      Background: Bones was born as an only child in Cloudsdale to a decently rich family. His father worked all day but his mom was always home. He was very smart and creative, but was not well liked. He was not the most social pony, which might be why he wasn't too popular. But despite this fact, he was able to make a group of friends who were just as shy as he was. A few of them are even still his friends today.

      He would entertain himself and his friends with local scary stories that he hears people tell. He had always had a talent for being a fun and scary pony. His life long dream was to be a scary story writer and to go across Equestria telling his tales.

      He never mastered flying. In flight school, he struggled, it was the only subject he ever did bad in. He was able to fly well for maybe 20 to 30 seconds, but then he would get weak and fall. Every other subject, he loved and excelled in. His teachers would always say that be was a gifted individual, but that he just wasn't born to fly. Everyone accepted that about him. Everyone except for himself.

      After failing is flying test twice, he moved into a quiet part of Ponyville to save himself from a third humiliation at the age of 13. Even after he left, his parents and friends still supported him in everything he does and gave him frequent visits. He lives there for five years, but it seems thst if it wasn't for his intelligence, and the fact that he had constant support from his family, he wouldn't have been able to make it in Ponyville.

      But he didn't spend the entire time just sitting in his little part of the town. He was able to maintain constant travel by means of a balloon, which was given to him by his parents as he left Cloudsdale. He went to cities ranging from Baltimare to Manehattan. Everywhere he went would give him new thrills, new scary stories to tell, and definitely some ideas for stories of his own.

      While at home, he would get frequent visits family and friends. With company, he would always share his scary stories, both ones that he has heard and some he made. They enjoyed his story telling almost as much as he enjoyed the company.

      After five years of quiet town life and loads of travel, he decides to go live in a more common part of Ponyville, where he works at a game shop. He doesn't do it for the bits, for he has tons of them inherited from his supportive family in Cloudsdale. He does it so that he can meet people from all across Equestria and see what they like to do.

      Over the years, he seems to get over his social problems and gets to meet amazing ponies from all across Equestria.




      Personality: Bones was always shy and a scaredy pony. But that never stopped him from making up, listening or telling the scariest stories he knows. All of the years he spent traveling has boosted both his creativity and bravery. Because of this, he is able to listening some stories that he wants to while still getting sleep that night. He would always listen to new stories, mostly to boost his bravery.



      Cutie Mark: Bones' cutie mark is a dark colored story book. It appeared to him after he found out his creativity for scary stories and tales while he was at the age of 14. He was in Manehattan when it appeared. He had just gotten out of a show where ponies shared stories that they heard, and had gotten a surprise visit from a friend. He decides to tell him one of the stories he heard. "The Tale of the Headless Horse". His friend said that he told the story perfectly. With all of the voice effects, different emotions and even put a little scary laugh at the end. Just then, he felt a tingling on his flank. He looked to see what it was, and there was a dark blue storybook on him. Then he knew, storytelling was his calling. At first, he used it for when his friends visited him in his travels and he wanted to entertain them. Now, he just uses his special talent for either sleepovers with friends or just bedtime stories.


      Use: Will probably be used for both forum and shoutbox RPing
      Last edited by Bones; 04-03-2013 at 06:13 PM.

    2. #2
      She's Cute Though, So It's Alright
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      Please format and edit this post using the required OC Submission Format, found here: http://www.equestriaforever.com/show...ewfull=1#post4

    3. #3
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      Okay, I fixed it up according to the format! I hope you like it

    4. #4
      She's Cute Though, So It's Alright
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      Hey there!

      Everypony in show-canon Equestria seems to live relatively positive and happy lives. Bones looks to be well set up for this kind of lifestyle, coming from a well-off family and being intelligent, but you seem to wish to separate him based on physical traits, such as the colour of his coat.

      It is prefectly fine for a pony to be a weak flyer, but Bones' reaction to his shortfall here is somewhat strange. At what age was he during this period of time, 14? How was he capable of surviving on his own? As far as the show has shown us, the Everfree Forest is not a place ponies inhabit, due to its multitude of harmful plants and animals. How would he maintain frequent travel if he cannot fly?

      Naturally scares ponies would scare themselves telling scary stories. Additionally, if a pony was shy, the chance they would willingly tell these stories to others is low. Pulling this into Bones' cutie mark, the same tells true. How did ponies even know he had run away? A cutie mark of a skull is too grimdark for My Little Pony.

    5. #5
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      He was able to survive based on his intelligence and the fact that he practically lived on the border of the Everfree leading into Ponyville.


      Whenever he made new stories, he made himself do it as to try to become braver

      I guess I should have gone into more detail about life in Cloudsdale. He would of course have made a few friends that were as outcasted as him. They would be his frequent company while in the Everfree

      He would maintain constant travel by the means of a balloon

      As for the cutie mark, how would a story book do? I figured that it would be better to make a cutie mark fitting into the genre of stories he would usually tell, but I guess that wasn't a good idea.

    6. #6
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      Quote Originally Posted by Bones View Post
      He was able to survive based on his intelligence and the fact that he practically lived on the border of the Everfree leading into Ponyville.


      Whenever he made new stories, he made himself do it as to try to become braver

      I guess I should have gone into more detail about life in Cloudsdale. He would of course have made a few friends that were as outcasted as him. They would be his frequent company while in the Everfree

      He would maintain constant travel by the means of a balloon

      As for the cutie mark, how would a story book do? I figured that it would be better to make a cutie mark fitting into the genre of stories he would usually tell, but I guess that wasn't a good idea.
      More detail sounds like a great idea. Edit your updates into the OP, making sure everything is explained, then I can take another look!

    7. #7
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      Okay. Everything has been put into my description. Sorry for the trouble with my OC.

    8. #8
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      Still sensing an overwhelming desire to outcast your own OC as a special snowflake. Physical traits, a bad flyer, socially outcast, a humiliated failure, self-exiled... all of that. On top of it, Bones chocks up Sue-esque background traits -- rich, intelligent, unchanged by his past, and successful.

      All in all, there is very little correlation in Bones' life. All the terrible things that have happened to him (which don't seem feasible in MLP) leave literally no thought or effect on his mood, thoughts, or personality. Ponies are apparently afraid of him, yet he works at a store in Manehattan for the specific intent of meeting ponies... even though he's supposedly shy. He even travels all over Equestria to visit different cities. It appears that you've developed Bones in a way that just makes him work perfectly in any situation, even though many of his traits are opposites of others.

      There's also a fair amount of things that need some emphasis and explanation. You say he's intelligent, but there is nothing which shows that. There's not too many ponies who own and/or regularly fly around in a balloon. How does he have any wealth if he left his family from embarrassment? Make sure to add stories to the background that are representative of his special ability to tell stories, if that's what you'd like it to be. Perhaps you could tell one here!

      Ponies cannot reside within the Everfree Forest. Make sure you get Bones living in Ponyville currently - that's where the vast majority of RP takes place.

    9. #9
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      I advanced on the story, making it more appropriate, and I put a few explanations on things. I also put my pony in Ponyville instead of the Everfree and Manehattan.

    10. #10
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      Thanks for the last update. It appears you went through a little too quick, though... re-read what you write and make sure the same story is followed throughout!

      Also, take a look at the things I suggested explaining further in my previous post and expand this out to more than just a single paragraph background. There's still not a whole lot of detail here.

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