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  • Results 1 to 10 of 10
    1. #1
      Royalty
      "What is there to pray
      for when blessing is the
      curse?"
       
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      Meadow Song's Avatar
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      I Killed Your Princess: The Holy Hateful

      Last edited by Meadow Song; 02-06-2016 at 01:21 AM.

    2. #2
      Baron
      Deez nutz --> oo
       
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      Shadrahk's Avatar
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      I don't get it.
      It took the death of hope to let you go...

    3. #3
      Royalty
      "What is there to pray
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      Quote Originally Posted by Shadrahk View Post
      I don't get it.
      They're dead now.

    4. #4
      Baron
      Deez nutz --> oo
       
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      Quote Originally Posted by Raze! View Post
      They're dead now.
      Aren't we all?
      It took the death of hope to let you go...

    5. #5
      Royalty
      "What is there to pray
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      .K.

    6. #6
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      A story that strikes me as trying to do to much too quickly, Luna's uncharacteristic relapse and Twilights equally uncharacteristic decision to go against Celestia. These are things that don't really go well unless you establish somehow that the events of the first episodes either didn't happen or something changed after them.

      I think probably the biggest issue when it comes to reading it was that you chose some clunky words to describe things which kind of breaks the flow of the story and adds element of sillyness that goes against the dark mood you are trying to establish.

      Here are some of the examples that stuck out for me:
      Twilight's energy was released into entropy at the instant of her death
      I hoisted the lunar mass above her precious element
      I took hold of her four appendages by the ends and started to twist them in fury
      my lust felt its first taste of serenity.
      watched only for a moment as she writhed, dangling from her unstructured legs.
      Overall though my memory is a tad stodgy of it, if you want to do short pieces stories like your derpy one are probably the best bet.

      Bonus
      Funniest typo goes to
      causing a violent array of magic and flames to scatter through the castle, singing my mane and feathers

    7. #7
      Royalty
      "What is there to pray
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      Quote Originally Posted by Silver Shill View Post
      A story that strikes me as trying to do to much too quickly, Luna's uncharacteristic relapse and Twilights equally uncharacteristic decision to go against Celestia. These are things that don't really go well unless you establish somehow that the events of the first episodes either didn't happen or something changed after them.

      I think probably the biggest issue when it comes to reading it was that you chose some clunky words to describe things which kind of breaks the flow of the story and adds element of sillyness that goes against the dark mood you are trying to establish.

      Here are some of the examples that stuck out for me:






      Overall though my memory is a tad stodgy of it, if you want to do short pieces stories like your derpy one are probably the best bet.

      Bonus
      Funniest typo goes to
      >Genuinely critiquing a fanfic written about horses in 3 hours

      I'll assume your intentions were placed properly, but this is what it is. I wanted to kill horses, I killed horses. The other story I actually put time into because it was a branch of a school project. This one was for the keks.

      Oh yeah, also, 5 dislikes within 2 hours of being public

    8. #8
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      I'll assume your intentions were placed properly, but this is what it is. I wanted to kill horses, I killed horses. The other story I actually put time into because it was a branch of a school project.This one was for the keks.
      I was never particularly good at picking authorial intent, still 1K of words an hour is an alright output. Although if I were out to fluster people Id be inclined to have someone like Blueblood or that lispy one doing the killings just because those characters are scrappy doo level annoying.

    9. #9
      Royalty
      "What is there to pray
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      Quote Originally Posted by Silver Shill View Post
      I was never particularly good at picking authorial intent, still 1K of words an hour is an alright output. Although if I were out to fluster people Id be inclined to have someone like Blueblood or that lispy one doing the killings just because those characters are scrappy doo level annoying.
      I don't think there really was any intention behind it other than I wanted to tell a short story, albeit trashy, short, and poorly produced. But hey, the dislikes are growing, so I'm aggravating the butthurt bronies on fimfiction, so I must be doing something right.

    10. #10
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      Quote Originally Posted by Raze! View Post
      I don't think there really was any intention behind it other than I wanted to tell a short story, albeit trashy, short, and poorly produced. But hey, the dislikes are growing, so I'm aggravating the butthurt bronies on fimfiction, so I must be doing something right.
      I find that kind of agrivation too impersonal I prefer the old posting pictures or videos of bronies doing stupid and otherwise cringy things, in the past I found that to get a solid and visceral response. Still fun is fun regardless

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