OC: Lightning Fire

[Lightning Fire]

Name: Lightning Fire

Gender: Female

Species: Pegasus

Approximate age: 24

Picture and/or Description:

Background: Grew up in a small farm near Ponyville. She was always very competitive with her brother, Water Stride. Since they each are opposite elements they are always bickering over things. Her family has a small cherry and apple orchard. Her favorite food is Apples.

Personality: She is very honest and friendly to her friends, but can be somewhat competitive at times. She looks up to Rainbow Dash, and hopes to be as fast as her some day, maybe even achieve a sonic rainboom! Her favorite thing to do is to fly with her other Pegasus friends. She can be timid when meeting new people but once they are friends, she exposes her real self. She likes to lay on clouds and watch what happens in Ponyville. But most of the time she's practicing her flying skills with her friends.

Cutie Mark: She received her cutie mark when she and her brother had a huge fight. He stormed off and kept walking for days. Their family worried that he was lost. So Lightning Fire decided to go get him. She flew through the Everfree Forest looking for her brother. She flew for days, taking breaks in various areas. After a couple days she eventually grew great flying skills. She eventually found him wondering in the badlands. Exhausted herself, she tried grabbing her small filly brother. She put Water Stride on her back as she rested on a cloud. He was thirsty and hungry. They eventually made their departure home, only to be greeted with large rainclouds. She avoided the lightning and gained great speed as her anger at herself grew. She was worried that she might not see home again. They landed in a large tree in the Everfree Forest. Her strength had been reduced to almost nothing. As she was thinking they'll never make it home, a huge boom crashed through the clouds, She looked up and saw the beautiful wave of rainbow light. She new exactly what that was. A Sonic Rainboom. It gave her hope, so she scooped up her sleeping filly brother and flew off at the speed of lightning, her anger at herself for fighting with her brother grew. At that moment, her cutie mark appeared. Showing her lightning fast reflexes and Fury for anyone or anything that might harm her family or friends.

Uses: Shoutbox RP

[Rarity#1]

Hey there, @Lightning Fire

First things first, what's your character's name? Your account name and the character submission form both say "Lightning Fire", but the thread is titled "Lightning Flame". If the thread is misnamed, let me know and I can fix it

Moving on to the submission itself, I would appreciate clarification on one thing in particular. You say that she got her cutie mark when there was a sonic rainboom. Did she perform the sonic rainboom or was she seeing the one that Rainbow Dash performed back when the mane 6 got their cutie marks? You mention in her personality section that she would like, one day, to perform a sonic rainboom which seems to imply that it was Rainbow Dash's rainboom. Unfortunately, that happened several years ago and your OC is only said to be 10 so she was likely to young to be flying at all, much less at the level described in the submission.

In general, the breadth of area which she had to cover to find her brother seems like a bit much. She's still just a filly but she was apparently able to fly over distances that it would take the other ponies days to cross. If it was a huge adventure, make it seem like it was an adventure! Tell us the story of her travels. The kind of trip you detailed for her isn't one which could be done on a whim.

The other thing I'd like to see is more detail in the background. What kind of farm does she live on? Does she go to school? What does she do for fun? Is she close to her family? It's little things like this that let us get a feel for who the character is and what she'll be like in the RP, and that's what we're looking for in these submissions.

If you have any questions, feel free to send me a PM.

[Lightning Fire]

First, thank you for responding and giving me some constructive criticism. This thread was a test to see if the base was good.

And yes the name is a typo. Can you fix that maybe?

I'll update the picture to a more reasonable age, and clarify about the rainboom.

I'll also actually LOOK at a map of Equestria next time...

I'm still kinda thinking of her background... so that'll get updated.

Again, thank you for pointing out what needs to be fixed!

[Rarity#1]

First, thank you for responding and giving me some constructive criticism. This thread was a test to see if the base was good.

And yes the name is a typo. Can you fix that maybe?

I'll update the picture to a more reasonable age, and clarify about the rainboom.

I'll also actually LOOK at a map of Equestria next time...

I'm still kinda thinking of her background... so that'll get updated.

Again, thank you for pointing out what needs to be fixed!

All of the changes that you've made so far are looking great

Feel free to send me a PM if you have any questions or when you're ready for me to take a look at the background!