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  • Results 1 to 7 of 7

    Thread: OC: Azrael

    1. #1
      The Archpony
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      Smile OC: Azrael

      Name: Azrael "Trailblazer"' Skitch

      Gender: Male

      Species: Pegasus

      Approximate age: 24

      Picture and/or Description:


      Background: Azrael is a treasure hunter, but prefers to call himself the "Artifact Gaurdian". He is coming to ponyville to set up a museum with exhibits of his less dangerous artifacts. He also tracks down more dangerous artifacts, and returns them to Princess Celestia, for a large sum of pay. An example of such an artifact might be the Alicorn Amulet, which had recently had its corruptive and dangerous effects shown first hand recently, in the hands of Trixie. For info on his more dangerous artifacts, Azrael is writing a Journalistic style book with the history, legends, powers, and side-effects. Azrael says, "For fans of exploring and adventuring, this book is a great read that will cause you to beg for more."

      Personality: Azrael is a little stubborn, when it comes to his ventures. He keeps his mind dedicated to the task at hand, and is always exited when another pony shows interest in his findings. He is kind, and prefers to make other ponies happy. He has a strong sense of right and wrong. He gets very angry when anypony tries to touch his artifacts without his permission. Azrael finds much joy in his job, and considers it both a career and a hobby.

      Cutie Mark: Wooden Compass (As a young filly, Azrael always loved to read books about Daring Du, and her exiting adventures. He understood that, in reality, most of the time, adventures did not end up with a reward. However, Azrael did understand that it takes months of planning and researching, before any venture is put into action. When Azrael hit 13 years old, he pursued this goal, researching about an old mythical artifact called the Solar Crystal, an ancient item hidden away by Discord during his reign as ruler before Princess Celestia and Princess Luna came along. It was thought to be in the mountains surrounding Canterlot. Azrael gathered maps, beastiaries on dangerous creatures, and obtained a journal from a deceased explorer who had scouted the area before. After months of research, Azrael went to the Caves with another adventurer, a unicorn named Shaymus, who was an Archeologist. The caves were abandoned, even of the mythical creatures that inhabited the underground millenniums ago. The chrystal was found, and was brought to Princess Celestia, who found the item to be most dangerous, and stored it away in the vault. The crystal would give any pony the ability to control the sun, if they could shatter the super hard crystal in the first place.)

      Use: Both

      Other: When it comes to adventuring, Azrael prefers to walk instead of fly. Azrael says, "The Artifact itself matters not, only the journey to it! That is the meaning of adventure! The sound in my ears, the wind in my hair, the Earth beneath my feet, all makes the experience that much more exhilarating."
      Last edited by Azrael; 12-05-2012 at 09:59 PM. Reason: I have completely revised my entire OC. I have expanded in every way i could think...
      Spoiler: My OC 

      Thank you to Greenknight5700 on DA for the Wonderful OC Gift
      Artist link:http://greenknight5700.deviantart.com/


    2. #2
      The Fabulous
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      At this point, all I can really say is that he needs more details. What has he been doing for 19 years?

      Additionally, we required that OCs have their cutie marks by, at the very latest, 16 years old. It is seen as strange for the cutie mark crusaders to not have their cutie marks and they are still prepubescent.

      Finally, he would look pretty out of place in Ponyville. If he's going to be that... eye catching, there should probably be a reason.

      Thanks to Twilight for this sig!

    3. #3
      The Archpony
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      sigh... let me try editing that again...
      Spoiler: My OC 

      Thank you to Greenknight5700 on DA for the Wonderful OC Gift
      Artist link:http://greenknight5700.deviantart.com/


    4. #4
      The Fabulous
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      Your character is still really lacking in details. Take a look at some of the accepted OCs to get an idea of what we look for in terms of background length and depth.


      Honestly, I think the biggest hurdle in your way toward having an accepted OC is that you seem almost desperate to have a pony that's super special. I love seeing diverse characters, but I want characters to be diverse because they have different personalities and interact differently, not because they had some weird thing happen to them in childhood that makes them super special. Focus on creating a pony that wouldn't seem out of place in My Little Pony. Create a unique personality but nix any of the tropes. Your character isn't meant to be the chosen one amongst all others. We can't have a town full of chosen ones and have it make sense still.

      Thanks to Twilight for this sig!

    5. #5
      The Fabulous
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      I talked with the other RP Mods and we're not comfortable having amulets like that be a part of an OC's background. As noted in the Season 3 Rule Update thread, these amulets are not meant to be able to be found in the RP willy nilly, so having a character's entire backstory be based on the finding of these extremely powerful amulets seems to run counter to this goal.

      In addition, his cutie mark story seems completely over the top. A 13 year old pony stumbling across an amulet that can give somepony control of the sun? The relation to Discord seems completely unnecessary and only included to make it even more super important which just exacerbates the problem. Think about the mane 6 cutie mark stories. AJ followed a rainbow home. Fluttershy fell onto butterflies. Rarity found a rock filled with gems. These aren't over the top adventures, they're memorable moments that the ponies had that made them realize what they wanted to do in life.

      And, with all of your additions, we really have no idea who the character is. What was his childhood like? Did he go to school? Did he have a family (please, please don't make one or both of his parents be dead.)? Did he have friends? What made him want to become an archaeologist? Who was this random unicorn that took him on a journey? How did they meet? Try to give us some idea of his past.

      Thanks to Twilight for this sig!

    6. #6
      The Archpony
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      Quote Originally Posted by Rarity View Post
      I talked with the other RP Mods and we're not comfortable having amulets like that be a part of an OC's background. As noted in the Season 3 Rule Update thread, these amulets are not meant to be able to be found in the RP willy nilly, so having a character's entire backstory be based on the finding of these extremely powerful amulets seems to run counter to this goal.

      In addition, his cutie mark story seems completely over the top. A 13 year old pony stumbling across an amulet that can give somepony control of the sun? The relation to Discord seems completely unnecessary and only included to make it even more super important which just exacerbates the problem. Think about the mane 6 cutie mark stories. AJ followed a rainbow home. Fluttershy fell onto butterflies. Rarity found a rock filled with gems. These aren't over the top adventures, they're memorable moments that the ponies had that made them realize what they wanted to do in life.

      And, with all of your additions, we really have no idea who the character is. What was his childhood like? Did he go to school? Did he have a family (please, please don't make one or both of his parents be dead.)? Did he have friends? What made him want to become an archaeologist? Who was this random unicorn that took him on a journey? How did they meet? Try to give us some idea of his past.
      Alright let me try clarifying some things with you. First off, He does not use any of these artifacts for himself. Secondly, It's not just amulets... (The Solar Crystal is a crystal, not an amulet). Furthermore, All dangerous Artifacts are locked away, and may not be used by ANYONE... The info on the Artifacts is simply to describe how he got to the way he is, not the use of such items in the Roleplay ("May not be used by anyone..."). Any public artifacts are things like dragon bones, or a hat worn by Star Swirl the Bearded (WITH NO POWERS), or a book on the biography of a famous pony, etc.

      The point is, Azrael has practically "retired from Artifact Hunting", and has settled in Ponyville to publicize his findings, as well as settle down, make new friends, share his experiences of the past, and live as regularly as he can. (Settling down: Change from a highly tense, stressful life (Artifact hunting) to that of a normal pony, doing normal things, like cooking, creating art, doing physical labor like clearing the clouds, etc.) He will not be searching for such powerful Artifacts ever again, nor will he ever find any.

      On the Cutie Mark, you will see that he did a large amount of research under... NEVERMIND...

      I WILL START OVER AS YOU REQUESTED, for the FOURTH TIME IN A ROW!
      Why do I keep doing this...
      Just go ahead and close my OC submission.
      I am banging my head into a wall, seeing the amount of time I have completely wasted today on this.
      Spoiler: My OC 

      Thank you to Greenknight5700 on DA for the Wonderful OC Gift
      Artist link:http://greenknight5700.deviantart.com/


    7. #7
      The Fabulous
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      Closing upon request of OP

      Thanks to Twilight for this sig!

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