Genocidal Vin

[Vinpony]

Name:

Nightshade Vicentus

Gender:

male

Specie:

unicorn

Age:

22-ish (he us a little older but his appearance he looks in his 20's)

Appearance:

black coat, black and white mane, vibrant yellow eyes, red tored up cape and a big sword on his side with his name engraved on it, a gift from his mother.

Quick facts:

He doesn't talk much about his parents but he loves to talk about his experiments.

While he is a little shy around others he has no real problem in openong up to other ponies.

He is an alchemist with an arsenal of potions at his disposal (healing and restaoratives mostly though he has a brew that temporarely increases his energy, stamina and strenght output).

History:

He was born in a land far away from equestria, a land full of zebras. His mother Bareelith is a commander in the zebras armed forces, she is in charge of the zebras undercover squadron (the zebra black ops. practically). His father Nightcloud is an alchemist who vowed to help any pony in need be it earth pony, pegasus, unicorn or zebra. While growing up Nightshade was taught by his mother the art of sword fighting being a unicorn and moving the sword with his magic he learned pretty quickly. One day while practicing with his mother with actual swords he landed a hit that crippled her.

His father tried to make a broth to heal her, but to his disgrace the only engredient he was missing was the sap from a tree in a far away place called the everfree forest.

Nightcloud sent one of the youngest zebras in under his wife's command to the everfree forest to get the missing ingedient. Feeling it was his fault all that had happened he snuck out at night and went in the zebra's aid.

While on the trip he found out that this specific zebra was a female called Lucia, that they were almost the same age, that she was intrigued by his father's work and that she was more into ponies that zebras. They became very close in the trip and came back a success thanks to his mother's sword fighting lessons when they returned he presented Lucia to his parents as his girlfriend. His father was really angry (and I mean furious) but proud at the same time. Nightshade helped his father make the potion. Finishing that potion was the moment that gave hom his cutie mark.

3 years later he decided to travel back to equestria to use his alchemy for the good of other ponies not just zebras. Lucia officiqlly his wife by now decided to stay behind a few months to help her father in law on a job he was assigned. His father proud that hos son took his alchemy seriously let him go. His mother on the other hand was reluctant, she knew that he could fend for himself but the thought of him being in a land full of ponies uneased her, but since the choice had already been made she let him go.

Right now he lives in the outskirts of ponyville where he set up his lab. He's waiting for the arrival of his wife, travels into the everfree forest constantly (mostly mapping the area to know where the resources he might need are) and is known by most of the ponies in ponyville qnd though he still has the customs from that far away land the other ponies don't seem to mind that and recure to him in cases of minor injuries or the such.

Personality: he's a very closed individual but he has no real problem opening up to others. And he's very friendly though he exhales an aura of indiference.

Cutiemark: a quill, a test tube and a sword crisscrossed in that order.

Sorry I didn' t put any images. Im actually not so good at drawing but he's mostly detailed here.

[Lyssea]

@Vinpony® the psion
We are happy to see you are interested in our RP! Unfortunately there are a few things we would need to change.

We find the name 'genocidal vin' a bit disturbing, seeing what the word actually means. Perhaps something to look into.

We would like to know why it reads 'his actual age is unknown'. How old is he? It doesn't need to be exact, but is he about 22, or are you suggesting far older?

We do not allow mechanical limbs at all, and ask that you remove this. It is a can of worm we don't want to deal with, since it would imply that not only is Equestria far more advanced than what we have seen, but that a unicorn could, for example, fashion themselves wings or the likes.

We also do not really allow people to just 'create spells', as this risks letting someone making spells up as they go along without much control or sense, and it can usually be a bit too convenient. Plus even Twilight, a genius with a talent in magic and access to the writings of the greatest spellcasters of all of Equestria, only knows a limited number of spells. We can also just say that we won't allow necromancy. That does not seem very fitting to the world of MLP, and certainly not by a normal pony.
An explanation of his magical swords would also be good. In what way are they magical, exactly?

We also question the need for all the deaths, with both family and fiance dying. It just seems a little much, when there are so many other options available.

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to contact me. Otherwise, just edit back and notify me when you are done.

[Zero Valentine]

I think it's pretty cool the name sounds awesome

[Vinpony]

Can he be an alchemist? it would still explain what happened to his fiancee which she's not dead just turn to stone by a cockatrice (probably should've explained that)... i can modifiy the story so that he was raised in zecora's homeland...and didn't meet his real parents...which would explain the alchemy and only be gifted in combat magic and the usual levitating magic for a unicorn... it's just something i'm thinking and sorry about all the deaths that's just normal in me... (trying to change that) though im still thinking of the name.

with regards: Vinpony

[Lyssea]

Can he be an alchemist? it would still explain what happened to his fiancee which she's not dead just turn to stone by a cockatrice (probably should've explained that)...

If you so wish. The same restrictions would apply though, he cannot just make potions though. The reasons is the same, it can ruin the fun if one character can just pull out a potion or spell or similar to solve whatever issue is going on.

i can modifiy the story so that he was raised in zecora's homeland...and didn't meet his real parents...

It would still mean he would have some kind of adoptive parents. If we may ask, what is the big issue with him knowing his parents and having them alive? 22 is a perfectly acceptable age to have moved out and living on their own.

which would explain the alchemy and only be gifted in combat magic and the usual levitating magic for a unicorn... it's just something i'm thinking

As stated above, alchemy is fine as long as he can't really invent or make new potions. We are a bit curious to what you mean with 'combat magic', what exactly does this entail? Levitating swords or something else?

[Vinpony]

No problem with the larents just that it would really make the story interesting if he didn't know his parents qnd would give a perfectly good excuse to study alchemy or the sort and would fit with his formerly reserved personality. Question can the fiancee stay in stone. Actually combat magic meaning he can create magical swords to do his bidding but he has to control the giving him a big dissadvantage in battle for that he keeps the biggest sword he creates near him as defense the point of the cobat magic is that him needing to enter the everfree forest constantly he faces dangerous creatures this is his means of defense perfecting it is what turned his fiancee into stone. Sorry to much sci-fi. Mechanical hoof off right? Can it be a stone one?

[Lyssea]

No problem with the larents just that it would really make the story interesting if he didn't know his parents qnd would give a perfectly good excuse to study alchemy or the sort and would fit with his formerly reserved personality.

We have found that there are very few stories which really benefits from dead parents. Most can do just as well, if not better, with living family. It gives history and a chance for more plot, rather than just what was left. Alchemy could just as easily be learned because one of his parents is an alchemist and taught him. If you want a reason for his topic of alchemy studies being in anti-petrification you can just as easily put it that he heard many horror-stories about such things and decided to dedicate his time with finding a cure.
Bottom line is, we don't want dead parents involved. We have had rather negative experiences with such things in the past.

Question can the fiancee stay in stone.

See above. While this is not as permanent as death we find it rather similar.

Actually combat magic meaning he can create magical swords to do his bidding but he has to control the giving him a big dissadvantage in battle for that he keeps the biggest sword he creates near him as defense the point of the cobat magic is that him needing to enter the everfree forest constantly he faces dangerous creatures this is his means of defense perfecting it is what turned his fiancee into stone.

We see. Unfortunately this seems a bit overpowered. Most ponies have nothing but their hooves and they need to carry and weapon along. To add to it there isn't much fighting in My Little Pony, so we honestly think you'd be better suited as an alchemist with a spare sword. After all, the best defense against the forest is quick hooves.

Sorry to much sci-fi. Mechanical hoof off right? Can it be a stone one?

A stone hoof would raise pretty much the same issue; That ponies would be able to make replacement limbs as will. If you want something to replace a limb that is acceptable, but it should be in the lines of a peg-leg.

[Lyssea]

@Vinpony® the psion
Thank you for the update to the character! Unfortunately there are a few things we'd still have some questions about.

First of all, when you mention "Healing and restorative" potions, as well as ones that "increase his energy, stamina and strength", what do you imagine? We have trouble seeing any such things as anything but something that makes ponies heal faster, though not instantly, and some kind of boosted-up coffee essentially. Did you see them in any other way?

Furthermore we ask why he is raised among zebras, and particularly about his parents. Why would the Zebra allow a ( presumably ) non-zebra mare to take the command of their special soldiers? Particularly one who presumably have not lived all her life there?
We aren't too happy about the idea of zebra commandos either. What we have seen of Equestria has extremely little to do with combat. We have the guards, who do not seem as the best soldiers in fiction to say the least, and we have the Wonderbolts, who pull double duty as air-defense and stunt-performers. Combat is not a high priority. As such we question why anyone would have such strong need for soldiers as to introduce a commando-team.

We would instead suggest you do something similar to the original backstory. Let him grow up in some lonely house with his parents and learn a bit of alchemy from them. If you really want the sword in there as well he could very well train it as some kind of carnival-trick, more for show than for combat, although it would remain somewhat viable for that too.
He can then move to Ponyville because he feels old enough and meet his girlfriend there. There is not even much need to make her a character in her own right, simply have her around but never really interacting with the ponies you do. This would give him reasonable skills in the areas you want, without being quite so far out of place.

Finally, we are very confused about his personality. You write that he is "a very closed individual but he has no real problem opening up to others". These two things are opposite of each other, and we are not sure how he can be both closed and open at the same time.

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to contact me. Otherwise, edit back and notify.