Hot Steamin' New Fanfic Preorders
Listen up you little ponies because this is magnificence in the making. Right now, the best story in the history of stories is being written by the most self-acclaimed authors across the entire eastern United States. Doc, myself, and Cormac McMotherfucker are working hard to bring sexual satisfaction to all of you lonely readers out there. What was that? You think The Odyssey is the best? To Kill a Mockingbird? Romeo and Juliet? Damn, not even Mein Kampf can blow this out of the water. I guarantee you'll be more satisfied that your non-existent wife was when she read 50 Shades of Grey. Now let me break this down for you:
Nine Chapters of sweet, sweet justice to fill your empty nights with excitement
Intriguing storyline to keep you interested the whole ride through
The horrible and sad truth about what real oppression is
If that doesn't make you want to sell your firstborn child in order to obtain this fanfic than I don't know what will. Now what if I told you: You can preorder this lifechanging novel NOW by filling out the form below!
Name:
Age:
Address:
Social Security Number:
Once you fill that out, send it in immediately to P.O. Box 117 Idylla, Teeth of Naros with an included $19.95 to pay for the book itself. Package should arrive anytime after March 25, 3019 once the Dark Lord Sauron has been defeated in a one-on-one quickscope match.
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL
Call right now and receive a free cheese grater to display your copy of brilliance for all your neighbors to see!
ORDER. NOW.
