OC: Silver Wing (Update and Resubmission)

While I was away, I have done plenty of RPing that had developed Silver as a character, and clarified certain points. So, I thought it'd be appropriate for me to update my OC submission and spent the night redoing my OC sheet. None of the updates should effect any RP that I am active in at the moment (well, the only one, but that barely even counts considering). So, resubmission below

Name: Silver Wing

Gender: Male

Species: Pegasus

Approximate age: 32

Spoiler: Picture(s) 

http://24.media.tumblr.com/ef732ea9a...aqto1_1280.png
Silver being bothered by his assistant at Work.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/bc6eec289...aqto2_1280.png
Precursor to said bothering

Other than that he's slightly taller, but his wings stayed normal sized, making them small for pegasi his size, yet allows him greater control for his talent.

Spoiler: Background 

Silver had a normal upbringing as a colt, without many disturbances. He found his calling quite quickly as a precision flyer, his slightly shorter wings making him able to hit precise areas and flight attitudes. He decided to join the Royal Guard after finding his talent and finishing his mandatory elementary school. He joined the Guard's cadet program to prepare him for when he'd be of age to officially join. He got formal, yet basic flying combat training, and grew to be one of the best cadets through his hard work. He went to Trotman University to earn an official degree that would allow him to gain a higher rank, where he met Arpeggio, who grew to become his coltfriend, both of them being inseparable. But, Arpeggio was a Just-War Pacifist, and Silver Wing was going out to join the Guard, even against Arpeggio’s wishes, to fulfill his sense of duty. Once he officially joined, and joined as a Sergeant, he was unable to fulfill his own dream to become one of the best fliers in the Guard, spurned by the simple reason of ‘sight problems’, and was assigned to do research work, given just a green (as in brand new) assistant to help as they would get sent inside and outside of Equestria to get new information from plants in the Everfree to the intricate culture of the Buffalo. But in their scant time off, Silver likes to hang around Ponyville, mainly because it's away from the office and he doesn't run into too many of his fellow Gaurdponies there.

Spoiler: Personality 

Fairly quiet with an innate and powerful sense of duty. Once he has a firm and trusting relationship with someone, he would do almost anything within his power to protect them, unless he was ordered by his superiors to carry out his duty against them, even though it would eat him alive until he could bury it.

Spoiler: Cutie Mark 

Talent: Precision flying.
Story: One day during the summer, his parents had sent Silver off to a camp which allowed young pegasi to sample different career choices, including the Royal Guard. That was when Silver caught the initial spark. At the Royal Guard presentation, Silver was given some instructions on a basic, yet specific flight pattern to fly, then another one, and another, each getting more difficult as the instructor tried to make it more of a challenge. After a few, Silver landed, worn out from all the flying and noticed his cutie mark, the wings of a Royal Guard flyer. To him, it represented the exactness and precision that he had that was close to being on-par with active duty flyers.

Use: Forum mainly, but I like to keep my options open so why not both?

@SilverWing
Thank you for your submission! While it looks fairly good overall, there are a few issues I'd like to talk with you about.
The first is the wing-blades, which are not canon and quite frankly does not entirely seem to fit into the MLP-world. I'd say you remove them entirely.
Secondly is the guards themselves. As pictured in your background they are a full-fledged army rather then the mostly ceremonial/police-duties we have seen before. You'd have to tone it down.
This also includes the research-division, we really have not see anything remotely close to such a thing ( remember, more a police-force then anything ). They'd have to be an independent group at the very least. Also curious why the highly skilled precision flier is working a desk-job ( although it is acceptable ).
We will also mention that there is no high school as far as we know, only an elementary school. Since all ponies gain their cutiemark during this time they then take on apprenticeship or a direct career, and there is no need for a general high-school. If he wished to become a guard, he ought to been in their training after elementary.
We're also curious as to where he was exposed to explosions, they are not mentioned before or since.
The sight-problems, what kind are they? ( and why not just use glasses? )
We will also not let you change his age at a whim. While there are threads dedicated to certain, similar things ( such as everyone's a foal ) it will only be confusing if you change age in between threads who are not specifically about a certain age/time.

Finally, if you wish to include someone else's OC in your application, we would like to have their approval, in particularly if it is something as big as being coltfriends.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lyssea

@SilverWing
Thank you for your submission! While it looks fairly good overall, there are a few issues I'd like to talk with you about.
The first is the wing-blades, which are not canon and quite frankly does not entirely seem to fit into the MLP-world. I'd say you remove them entirely.
Secondly is the guards themselves. As pictured in your background they are a full-fledged army rather then the mostly ceremonial/police-duties we have seen before. You'd have to tone it down.
This also includes the research-division, we really have not see anything remotely close to such a thing ( remember, more a police-force then anything ). They'd have to be an independent group at the very least. Also curious why the highly skilled precision flier is working a desk-job ( although it is acceptable ).
We will also mention that there is no high school as far as we know, only an elementary school. Since all ponies gain their cutiemark during this time they then take on apprenticeship or a direct career, and there is no need for a general high-school. If he wished to become a guard, he ought to been in their training after elementary.
We're also curious as to where he was exposed to explosions, they are not mentioned before or since.
The sight-problems, what kind are they? ( and why not just use glasses? )
We will also not let you change his age at a whim. While there are threads dedicated to certain, similar things ( such as everyone's a foal ) it will only be confusing if you change age in between threads who are not specifically about a certain age/time.

Finally, if you wish to include someone else's OC in your application, we would like to have their approval, in particularly if it is something as big as being coltfriends.

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1) Wingblades: Might as well remove them. Pretty much would never use them anyways. Done.

2) Guards: How I see it, we only see the ceremonial/police side of the Guard. Who's to say that they don't have entire squadrons out patrolling the borders and remote places? The sheer number considering this would place the guard at the size of a small army. Therefore, they would have certain support positions such as research and logistics that we don't see, even if they are really small groups. I'll tone it down, but I really don't want to change the job.

2.5) Desk Job: I'm a cadet for the US Air Force currently, and I'm wanting to be a pilot. However, If I can't get a pilot slot because of my eyesight, I'd get stuck behind a desk. So, I just put it onto here since Sil started as sortof a form of me, and I just decided not to give him the flying job, since it seems too typical for a pegasus :p

3) High School/Apprenticeships: Well, the only point of the High School was the blades, so there's not much point to keep it any more :P I'll change it so that he was just put into those cadet programs, which would be like the Apprenticeship you mentioned.

4) EXPLOSIONS!!: Research. Stuff can Explode. Especially when it's not your special talent. And Since, being the CO of the place, he doesn't really need to be around the explosions anymore, it's not his job anymore.

5) Sight: Just slight far-sightedness, usually undetectable and not really effecting him, until there's an in-depth exam. Like one to get a highly-contested physically demanding job.

6) Age: That's actually what I kinda meant xP. I don't intend to change the age if it does not fit the thread, like my College one for example: Everyone could revert to college age if they weren't already there. If it doesn't say that I can change the age in the thread, I won't. Sorry for the confusion there, I wrote this late last night.

7) @Arpeggio: I'll give him a shout. I know he won't have a problem with it though.

It's approved.

@SilverWing
Thank you for your edits.
About the blades, it would seem they are still around in the cutiemark-story. We think you should fix that.

It is true that we mostly have seen the ceremonial parts of the guards. However, so far very little has suggested that they have more duties then some scouting along the borders and quite frankly the world of MLP doesn't seem to be in a terribly big need of an army. In fact so far we've only seen one officer, and that Shining Armor - who is a captain.
What we can buy is that there is a light guard presence along the borders, and that they would need some logistics, but nothing suggest an actual battle-ready army in any way, nor really, well, military. The job itself is acceptable, it is the things around we are worried about. And thank you for the explanation of the desk job :giggle:

What does he research that is so highly explosive? We have seen neither cannons nor bombs, or gunpowder in any form, and the one thing which might be rather explosive-prone, alchemy, does not appear to be the first focus of study for the army.

Thank you for the explanation about the sight, it is fully acceptable. Also thanks for clearing up the age, seems that one was just a slight miss-communication :giggle:

And a last thanks to Arpeggio, for his time in approving the relationship.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lyssea

@SilverWing
Thank you for your edits.
About the blades, it would seem they are still around in the cutiemark-story. We think you should fix that.

It is true that we mostly have seen the ceremonial parts of the guards. However, so far very little has suggested that they have more duties then some scouting along the borders and quite frankly the world of MLP doesn't seem to be in a terribly big need of an army. In fact so far we've only seen one officer, and that Shining Armor - who is a captain.
What we can buy is that there is a light guard presence along the borders, and that they would need some logistics, but nothing suggest an actual battle-ready army in any way, nor really, well, military. The job itself is acceptable, it is the things around we are worried about. And thank you for the explanation of the desk job :giggle:

What does he research that is so highly explosive? We have seen neither cannons nor bombs, or gunpowder in any form, and the one thing which might be rather explosive-prone, alchemy, does not appear to be the first focus of study for the army.

Thank you for the explanation about the sight, it is fully acceptable. Also thanks for clearing up the age, seems that one was just a slight miss-communication :giggle:

And a last thanks to Arpeggio, for his time in approving the relationship.

---

1) Oops. Fixed. :itsokay:

2) Demoted Sil big time. Shrunk Sil's area of responsibility to just one assistant. Ya, alright. In my head the numbers just keep snowballing, and Shining's TITLE as "Captain of the Guard" was more like a chief of staff irl. It should be alright now.

3) Took out the Explosions. It was originally just how they were experimenting with different things to cause those explosions and make more efficient weapons than spears and brute force. So I just made it sortof a research/exploration type thing.

Hope everything checks out now :hai:

@SilverWing
Thank you for your changes, now there's just one thing left...
:lick:
You are accepted~ Have fun with everyone!