OC: Azrael

Name: Azrael

Gender: Male

Species: Pegasus

Age: 19

Appearance:

Spoiler: OC Picture 

http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/f/20...el-d6zwd33.png

Quick Facts:
Job: Lunar Royal Body Guard (*Specialist)
*Highly Exceptional Speed, Agility, and Dexterity, with training in Acrobatics and Martial Arts, and uses wings as bladed weapons.

Place of Residence: Royal Castle

Family: Born to a Pegasus and a Unicorn, he was abandoned in an alleyway during a cold rainy night. He was found by a Unicorn Night Guard in a basket, wrapped in a blanket, and a note saying, "Unable to support. Please raise well." The adopting parents were both a Pegasus and Unicorn, both part of the Royal Military Force.

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*Recommended (optional)*

History/Background: Azrael was born from both a Pegasus and a Unicorn. The parents names are unknown, however, the names of his adoptive parents are well recognized. Commander Dark Wind, a female Pegasus, is the head of air command and defense of Canterlot. His father, Captain Night Blade, heads a Company of Canterlot Soldiers (Approximately 100 to 200 soldiers), in charge of various tasks such as Guard Duty, Protection, Patrol, and a Standing Police Force.

Personality: Azrael has had very little time to adapt a social life, meaning he is rather quiet, though he is not shy. He prefers to convey his thoughts through actions, but will at times write personal thoughts down on paper. On a side note, he has started writing down events in a personal Journal, in an attempt to gain more of a social understanding, even if it's just with himself.

Cutie Mark: Azrael did not grow up like most ponies, and as such, has not been able to explore any other talents other than his military training. He is exceptional at what he does, and indeed he is one of the best, but it came through 19 years of vigorous training and experience, not from being a young phenom, "discovering" his talent.

Dear @Azrael
While it is nice to see your eagerness to join our new, relaxed RP this unfortunately goes a bit over the line even for this.

His magical augmentation in regards to physical abilities unfortunately would make this character incredibly unfair to RP with as he is, as you put it yourself, "vastly superior". We really need to ask you to take it away for the fairness of everyone else. Your character can be strong and fast, but within fair limits.
The same goes for his telepathy. If you wish him to be mute this is fine, but telepathy for a non-unicorn just isn't acceptable. If you want him to be mostly quiet then we'd suggest simply having him not speak much due to his personality. If you want him to be mute but still communicate we could suggest using a writing-pad to write messages.

His hunting of diamond dogs also is a bit out there. While we can understand having to fend them off through combat we really can't see Celestia approving of the active hunting, capture, and execution of a sentient race. If you really wish to have fought them he could presumably have been asked to guard people in dog-active areas, but hunting and killing doesn't fit.

Finally... please take Luna out of the story. As much as we have relaxed our rules we still wish to keep knowing any CCs to a minimum, and being raised by Luna certainly passes that minimum. There is also the fact that Luna has been back in Equestria for maybe three or four years... not nineteen. May we suggest that he was raised by a family of one of the guards instead?

However, the character's combat training, weapons, guard-job, abandoment by parents and his lack of cutiemark are all acceptable as per the new rules.

Just fix that and you can be out and being awesome in the RP! :giggle:

@Lyssea I edited the submission. when you get the chance. please review. Thank you!

Dear @Azrael

While it is good to see you so willingly take to the small changes required, there is just one or two things which we kinda would need changed.

The first is similar to what we asked to before, that you do not have pre-exisiting relationships to CCs or the princesses. This would unfortunately include a job as a guard over the Elements of Harmony.

The second would be the dragon-bone. This just seems to serve no purpose and doesn't fit into anything we have ever seen among the ponies. Just remove this bit and the bit above and you should be all good to go!

( As a small side-note, his mother is most unlikely to be the head of guard - unless she is extremely manly for a mare and named Shining Armor )

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lyssea

Dear @Azrael

While it is good to see you so willingly take to the small changes required, there is just one or two things which we kinda would need changed.

The first is similar to what we asked to before, that you do not have pre-exisiting relationships to CCs or the princesses. This would unfortunately include a job as a guard over the Elements of Harmony.

The second would be the dragon-bone. This just seems to serve no purpose and doesn't fit into anything we have ever seen among the ponies. Just remove this bit and the bit above and you should be all good to go!

( As a small side-note, his mother is most unlikely to be the head of guard - unless she is extremely manly for a mare and named Shining Armor )

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Fixed the problems...

(Side note, the mother is AIR Commander, in charge of Air Superiority, and defense of Canterlot in the skies, and is a Pegasus. Shining Armor is a Unicorn, and WAS Captain of the ROYAL GUARD. There is a huge difference. Sorry if I seem pushy...)

Accepted.